Without You
by tabby1216
Summary: E leaves B and neither one knows that B is Pregnant.B is alone and broken.She tries to move on for her daughter sake but her little world is shattered when the gang walks into her bar seven years later.Rated M mainly for language.
1. Prologue

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS but I own my own twisted imagination, I think…

One day a year, I let myself think about the past. Some years there is hurt, some pain, and fewer still I remembered the happy times we spent together. Some years I allowed myself to think about the family I lost and the family I left because I couldn't explain things anymore.

This year I was blessed with all of the above and I was in bad shape.

I try to keep everything bottled up and locked away, I try to keep a brave face on for Nessie. Was that healthy? No, probably not, but I couldn't function any other way. If I allowed myself to think about it even for a moment I lost every ability I had to function and that wasn't good for anyone.

Did Nessie notice I was broken? I wouldn't doubt it, she was very observant and intelligent, but we never talked about it. Even when she came to me in the middle of the night to wake me up from my nightmares, to stop the screaming and crying. She would just climb into my bed with me and wrap her little arms around me and just hold me while I cried. She never asked questions and for that I was thankful. I wasn't ready to give her the answers to those questions she never asked.

Nessie has become my only reason for living anymore. For the last five years and seven months, she has been the only reason I get up and face each and every day and she is the only reason I am still alive. Both literally and mentally. She is the one and only thing I am thankful for in my life, and the only thing I have that proves that he was even real. She is living, breathing, beautiful, physical proof that he even existed outside of my mind.

A/N So should I continue? This is an idea that is bugging the shit out of me and if there is enough interest I will continue. I have a couple chapters written already so please take a second and let me know what your thoughts are!


	2. Whoever's in New England

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS but I own my own twisted imagination, I think…

* * *

_** I hear the winter time up north can last forever**_

_** And I've been told its beautiful to see this time of year**_

_** They say the snow can blind you till the world you left behind **_

_** Just disappears I hear**_

**Whoever's in New England By Reba McEntire**

Tonight was going to be a bad night. I could already feel it, I was already feeling the crippling affect that remembering my life before always caused. I tried to push it back down until later. Now was not the time nor the place to have a breakdown.

Instead I flung myself into my work. Wiping down the bar, filling salt shakers, and ketchup bottles, anything to keep my mind busy. I was currently wiping down each and every table in the place, top and bottom just to keep my mind occupied, scraping the occasional chunk of gum off as I went.

The place wasn't that big so it didn't take me that long.

Masen's Bar and Grill was just a small hole in the wall kind of joint. Only having about ten tables and a handful of booths but it was big enough for this small town.

Sutton-Alpine, Alaska. Population 1080, even smaller than Forks, and at least an hour outside of Anchorage, on a good day. The winters were long and hard, but absolutely beautiful. There is nothing like waking up and looking out your window and seeing the white, fluffy blanket of snow, that seemed to hide every imperfection around us. I loved to wake up and see a fresh coat of snow, it was better than the rain supposedly washing away the bad because with snow, it covered it up, then as it melted it washed it away gradually easing the pain away slowly.

Pain I was used to, but the snow seemed to be slowly helping the majority of it wash away slowly, or if nothing else burying it so it didn't hurt constantly.

My daughter and my bar were the only two things in the world that brought me joy anymore and it's amazing I had either one.

I crawled out from under the last table just as James, my bartender and good buddy, walked through the door with his wife, Victoria (Vicky to anyone who wanted to keep their teeth). Both had done more for me in the last five years than was entirely necessary.

Vicky was our cook and sometimes waitress. The woman could cook and for that I was thankful because I dared anyone to tell her something was wrong with anything she made. Vicky had a temper which fit with her hair color, bright red, she took no shit from anyone, including James, and I admired that about her. Lucky for me she had a soft spot for me and Ness, we both could practically get away anything with her and she would just smile. Or flip the bird, either way we kept our teeth

James was Vicky's polar opposite. Quiet, calm, he always thought things through before he acted, and he was like the big brother I had always wanted…. Or a replacement for the one I thought I had…

They had both lived in this little town all their lives and had no intentions of ever leaving.

"Hells Bells Bella, if you don't stop scrubbing we will all be high on bleach and pine cleaner." James said jokingly as he swatted Vicky on the ass as she headed to the kitchen to set up for opening.

"Morning B." Vicky said as she smiled at me, then walked off towards the kitchen.

"Morning V." I said playfully and I got the finger from her as she pushed the door open to the kitchen.

"So what's with the spring cleaning in the middle of summer?" James said as he walked over to me and helped me gather my cleaning supplies and dispose of them.

"No snow… Things are to green outside… I needed a distraction." I answered honestly as we walked into the storage room to put everything away.

Summer was not a good time for me. It was the only time the ground was green and the sun came out. I tried to avoid anything and everything that reminded me of my past. The sun reminded me of my mom and well the green… green reminded me of everything that I left or that left me.. In Forks.

Like I said today was not going to be easy. Seeing as it was the first day of summer and the sun was out and the ground was uncharacteristically green. I would only let myself remember once a year about… everything. I would fall apart, but I would do it later, in private.

"SOOO last day of school huh?" James stated effectively changing the subject.

I smiled at him thankful that he knew not to push the subject.

"Yepperz, last day of kindergarten, and her first summer vacation." I said smiling fondly, but slightly sad she was just growing up to damn fast.

"Any plans?" He already knew I didn't but I guess today was the day for small talk.

"Ummm nope. Ness is really looking forward to helping out around here." I replied with a smile remembering how she loved to help me seat people and bring them menus and whatever else I would allow her to do. She loved this place just as much as I did.

"What time does school get out today?" James asked as he opened the back door and dumped the water from my buckets out.

"Early release since it's the last day, so I think the little chit should be home around one." Right in the middle of our lunch rush, Ness would be in heaven.

"She will love that!" James said with a snort and a smile, probably thinking the same thing I was.

I just smiled and started grabbing things we needed to stock the bar. James helped me by filling buckets with ice to put in the cooler behind the bar for drinks.

Forty-five minutes later at exactly 11:00 we flipped the sign from closed to open and turned the sound system to provide background noise. After quickly making sure Vicky was ready, I fixed myself a coke and sat down at the bar. I took out another cutting board and started helping James cut the lemons and limes we would need for drinks later.

"Elizabeth called me last night." I said mid cut. Elizabeth Masen was who I bought the bar off of three years ago. Her husband had passed away the winter before I arrived on their doorstep, four months pregnant with Ness, alone, tired, and a huge mess. Liz put me up with her in the small two bedroom apartment above the bar. She took me in, gave me a job and a home… ultimately a place to hide. She reminded me of Renee and Esme…

"Really? What is she up to these days?" Liz had sold me the bar three years ago, cheap, and moved "to warmer climates, where the men wore less clothes".

When I say cheap, I mean cheap. She let me have it for what she still owned the bank for it. $5,550, and that included the apartment above the bar. She stated that I was the closest thing she had to family and she wanted me to have it. She tried to just give it to me, but I just couldn't do that. She had already done so much. In fact she was the one that delivered Ness…

"Knock, knock? Where did you go Bells?" James said waving his hand in front of me. I flipped him off before answering.

James chuckled, "You need to stop hanging out with Vicky! She is teaching you bad habits." "Oh shut up asshole. Sorry I spaced there for a moment. I was thinking about Liz. I really miss her sometimes."

"We all do." James replied. "So once again what is the crazy lady up to?"

I laughed, Liz was definitely a unique character. "Enjoying the warm weather and beaches." Liz moved to Florida, somewhere down around the Keys. "She also said something about young college boys and practically naked." I finished laughing.

"That sounds like Liz." James said laughing with me. Both of us sat for a moment in silence remembering Liz.

Elizabeth Mason was the first person I talked to in this town. She was ultimately the reason I stayed. She made me feel like I was where I was meant to be.

I left Forks when I was four months pregnant with Ness. No one knew, I drove to Seattle to have all my test and prescriptions filled. I told no one I was pregnant and no one seemed to notice. After…he left… The world around me just sort of disappeared. I talked to no one and in turn no one talked to me. Two days after graduation I left Forks and I have never looked back….

Somehow I found my way to this little Podunk town in the middle of nowhere. I was hungry and had to pee desperately so when I saw the sign for Masen's I pulled over and went in. I no sooner walked through the doors and I was wrapped in Liz's arms. It was like she was expecting me. She told me where the bathrooms were and by the time I got back out she had me a table and a coke.

"Sit." She ordered smiling. I took one look at her and didn't argue, there was just something about her that made me feel safe and home. "So when are you due?" She asked never skipping a beat.

I had about choked on my coke. Wasn't expecting that one. I remember looking down at my stomach wondering how in the hell she knew, because I wasn't showing that much yet, and I thought my baggy tee hid it pretty well. But I soon learned that Liz just seemed to know things and I never questioned her instincts, they were always spot on.

"Umm, Oc… October 20th." I mumbled, she was the first person I told. She smiled hugely at me but didn't push me any further on the subject. She never asked about E…. err him… Instead she ordered me a huge cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate shake. Best food EVER!

Within a matter of hours Liz had convinced me to move in with her and help her around the bar. She showed me my room and before I could protest she had James (yep both Vicky and James came with the bar, added bonus) carry all my things up to the room. The rest as they say is history.

"Ok space cadet. Just hand over the knife before we end up having to drive to Anchorage AGAIN for stitches." James said taking the knife I was apparently still holding.

"Sorry I….. Not going to be a good day." I said mostly to myself.

"We will get through it." James said placing his hand over mine. I looked up into his wise blue eyes and took some strength from his words. "Now if you don't stop spacing out on me I will have to go get Vicky to kick your ass." He smiled broadly when I laughed out loud.

"I think I have a better chance of getting her to kick your ass." I teased him back.

"You know what.. I don't doubt that one bit." He said with a smile. "Now it looks like your bestest buddy is on the way in, so plaster a smile on that pretty little face of yours and go say hi." He said gesturing towards the door.

No sooner did I stand and start towards the door, in came, walking in all her glory and with more energy than a two year old hopped up on Mountain Dew, none other than Mrs. Alice Hale. I loved Alice, please don't get me wrong. Besides James and Vicky, her and Jasper (her hubby) were the only ones I talked to. But well… Alice was… Alice. No other words could describe her.

If you looked at her you would never imagine her being able to make it through ten minutes of the Alaskan winters. That is… until you either talked to her OR just sat back and took the time to watched her. She was a ball of energy. She never sat still or stopped talking long enough to get cold I figured. Her daughter, Ness's best friend and only other child the same age as Ness within twenty miles, was the spitting image of her mother but had her fathers energy. Thank god.

I groaned to myself but plastered that fake smile on. I didn't really have then energy to deal with Alice today, nor the desire to. But in true Alice fashion. I wasn't given a choice.

"Isabella Marie Mason! Get your hot little ass over her and give me some sugar!" (I legally changed my last name to Mason very shortly after Liz took me in. Fresh start new name new life.) Alice said as she burst through the doors, not even having time for the doors to shut behind her. I am telling you Chihuahua on crack…. Or maybe speed…. But you gotta love her!

"Hey Alice." I said as I approached and only moments before she grabbed me and gave me a huge hug. I couldn't help but smile at her, a real smile, not the fake one I had on before she walked in. It was virtually impossible to be in a bad mood around her. She just radiated sunshine, rainbows, and happy dances.

"So Bella I was thinking that in celebration of the end of kindergarten Ness might want to come over to our house tonight and have a girls night with Kailie they will have so much fun they can do each others nails and hair and.."

"Alice breath." I interrupted her before she blew a gasket. "I will ask Ness when she gets home." I said chuckling at her energy. "Now do you want something to eat or.."

"You could come over too you know after you close up shop here. You and I could have a girls night. OOOOOOOOH that would be so much fun."

Oh dear god no! Think Bella quick! THINK THINK THINK!

"Um as much as I would love to Alice I will have to decline on that one… maybe another time… I uhh…" Damn it Bella think! "It's a Friday night, we stay open a little later than normal so by the time we close I will be wiped out."

"She has been in here cleaning since Ness left for school this morning Alice give the kid a break." Oh thank you James! That boy deserved a raise.

Alice pouted her signature pout before relenting. "Fine. But you are buying me lunch then." And with that she bounced away snatching a menu out of my hands and going to sit down. I just shook my head and turned around to look at James.

Thank You! I owe you one! I mouthed before I asked Alice what she wanted to drink. James just smiled and nodded.

"Just a diet coke. Gotta watch this girlish figure." She said not bothering to look up from her menu.

"Yeah you need to watch your weight and I am the Virgin Mary." I snorted as I fixed her DIET coke.

"Well _Mary_ we all can't have a cute ass and nice tits like you with out working for it. I work hard to keep this body." She shot back at me before sticking her tongue out at me over her menu.

"Alice there isn't another woman alive that has the metabolism you have. You could eat nothing but Twinkies and French fries for a year and still be a size two." I said as I walked over to her table setting her drink down in front of her.

"Kiss it beoch! Now go get me one of Vicky's famous cheeseburgers and an order of French fries. Hold the shake." She said flipping me off.

I laughed at her. "Only you Alice. Only you!"

"Yep but you love me." She said winking at me then swatting my ass as I walked away to go place her order.

I no sooner placed her order than people started pouring in. Well pouring in would be a stretch but we had a steady flow that kept me busy. I only had the chance to wave to Alice as she left to meet Kailie at home.

"Call us and let us know if Ness wants to come over!" She called before she disappeared out the door.

The next hour or so flew by and before I knew it Ness was bouncing through the doors backpack flung over her shoulder.

"MOMMY!" She said as she ran towards me copper hair bouncing as she ran.

"Hey baby! How was school?" I said as I picked her up and gave her a big hug and peppered kisses across her face. Which made her giggle and squirm.

"Ugh fine. Can I take orders?" She was just starting to learn to write this year and she loved to try to take orders. So far it never ended well, so we let her take orders only when we weren't that busy. Right now we were busy.

"I'll tell you what Miss Vanessa Elizabeth Masen. You can hand out menus and after I write down the orders you can take them to Aunt Vicky." I said offering her the compromise.

She folded her arms over her chest huffing at me, her emerald green eyes flashing in annoyance… She looked so much like her father at that moment…

"It's Ness MOTHER." She said slightly rolling her neck at me. "Nessa if you must. Isabella." She dead paned. Trying to look deadly serious but she just cracked me up and she started giggling right along with me.

"Yes my dear, whatever you say Miss Ness. Will you please help me with these?" I said handing her a few menus and steering her towards a the next table.

She skipped off to hand out the menus. Fortunately for all of us she had the gift of gab, sometimes I think she spent to much time with Alice and Kailie, she did more talking to the people than she did helping me but it didn't matter to me. She was happy and that's all that mattered.

Around two o'clock there was virtually no one left. A few stragglers here and there. Vicky came out of the kitchen to take a break carrying a large basket of fries and a shake for Ness.

James came over and helped Ness up onto one of the bar stools before snatching one of the fries out of the basket and popping it into his mouth.

"So Ness," I started, " Alice was in here earlier and wanted to know if you wanted to spend the night with Kailie tonight."

Her face lit up but before she answered she turned and narrowed her eyes at me, "Is Jasper gonna be there?"

"I honestly don't know sweetie. Why?"

"He keeps Alice calm. Otherwise she spends the night in the room with me and Kailie…. Talking… nonstop." She was my daughter, there was no doubt. To smart for her own damn good.

I had to bite my tongue so I didn't start laughing at her. She looked so serious. James and Vicky couldn't help themselves and started laughing.

Ness turned and shot them a look. "What is so funny? I am serious." They just laughed harder.

"Ah Ness I don't know if Jasper will be home but I bet he will be. Why don't you take your backpack upstairs and call them."

"Okay!" She said as she hopped down and ducked under the bar to go to the door that led to our apartment. It was located behind the bar which I liked because I could leave the door open and still be able to hear her upstairs and I didn't have to worry about anyone going up there. Unless they made it through both me and James and if they did that I would almost bet my life on it that before they reached the top stair Vicky would have drug them back down the stairs, then proceeded in laying the smacketh down.

A few minutes later she yelled down that Alice would be here in a little while to pick her up. I asked her if she needed help packing a bag and I got the, "Ugh MOM. I am not a baby. I can put some underwear and jammies in a bag." I just shook my head, I know knew what Renee dealt with all the time. She was born going on thirty I swear.

A few minutes Alice and Kailie were walking through the front door.

"Hey Bella!" Kailie yelled as she ran up to me and gave me a quick hug. "Is Nessie ready?"

"I am not sure Kailie. Why don't you run up and check." I said hugging her back then releasing her. She ducked under the bar and dashed upstairs

"Bella I just thought I should let you know." Alice said as she plopped down next to me at the bar. "Jazzy's sister called a little while ago and her and her pigheaded husband are driving over from Anchorage. They are bringing his brother or something."

"Do you want me to keep the girls?" I asked unsure where this was leading.

"No I mean there is plenty of room at my place, I just wanted you to know. Maybe Jazzy will bring the boys over for a drink after while."

"Ok Alice…."

"Oh don't bust a vessel Bella, I just wanted you to know before Ness came home talking about some strange people she met at my house." Oh well when you put it that way…

"Thanks for the heads up Alice."

We sat and chatted briefly before Ness and Kailie bounced back down the stairs. "Auntie Rose is pretty, you will like her Ness." Kailie was explaining as they walked up to us.

Kisses and hugs were given all the way around and then they were gone. The bar was empty, which was normal for this time of day. I got out my broom and started sweeping and wiping down tables again. More down time to get lost back into my own world.

I remembered the night I went into labor. Almost two weeks late. I was huge, uncomfortable, and just plain miserable. Liz had banished me to the apartment telling me I needed my rest. It was the first REAL snow of the season. All the roads were closed down and of course that's when Ness decided it as time.

Liz delivered her right upstairs in our little apartment. She just about as proud as me as she wrapped Ness up and handed her to me. The first time I held my angel in my arms… there are NO words to explain that. She became my world…. My only reason to exist. Solid proof that HE existed.

As soon as the roads were clear enough we made our way to Anchorage and got checked out. Both Ness and myself were fine. Healthy.

She had a full head of copper hair and bright green eyes. She looked so much like her father it took my breath away. She had my nose and mouth, her fathers temper and my attitude. She was the perfect combination of the two of us. If only I had been good enough to keep him….

I could feel the tears coming back on as I walked over to the bar and sat in the corner. I put my head in my hands and attempted to take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves.

I jumped when I heard James in front of me. "It's bad this year…" He said when I finally looked up. I could only nod.

"I called Jane in to help out tonight. You just take it easy Bells."

"No I gotta keep busy."

"NO you are going to sit your ass right there and do what the rest of us do when we want to forget." He turned around momentarily and grabbed a bottle off the shelf. "Do a few rounds with good old Jose Cuervo. Let me introduce him to you. He is a good friend of mine." He said smiling and pouring me a shot.

"James I don't drink."

"You do tonight."

"James it is only 5:00."

"Look again."

I looked over his shoulder. It was almost 9:00.

"What the hell?"

"You just looked like you needed some time to yourself."

"NOW let's see. Kitchen is closed. Jane is taking orders and Vicky will be out here in a few minutes to help me and Jane you just relax tonight."

"James getting plastered is not the answer."

"Nope sure isn't." He said popping the p. "But sometimes it's easier than facing reality and we all deserve a break from reality once in a while. Now drink up Boss lady."

"When did you go all philosophical on me James?"

"I have seen many moons little one."

"James you are one year older than me." I said throwing the first shot back and feeling it burn oh so good all the way down. Grimacing I grabbed a lime out of the bowl he set in front of me and placed it in my mouth sucking. Screw the salt, yuck.

"Well I have seen more moons than you then haven't I?" He replied refilling my glass once more.

I rolled my eyes at him, "Smart ass."

"Better to be a smart ass than a dumb ass." He said with a smirk.

"What do you do if you are both?" I asked cocking my head to the side then downing the second shot and sucking on another lime wedge.

He took a step back and feigning a look of hurt before smirking. "Drink more." He replied filling my glass once more before setting the bottle in front of me and walking towards Jane who was waiting to have an order filled.

_** I've packed my bags and left them in the hallway**_

_** But before I leave again there's just one thing you outta know **_

_** When the icy winds blow through you remember that its me**_

_** Who feels the cold most of all**_

* * *

A/N The song and lyrics for said song are Whoever's in New England by Reba McEntire. They are the ones that are in bold and in italics. I will see if I can figure out how to place the link on my profile.

So what do ya think? Keep going? Or just give it up? Let me know! Reply or I will send Alice to bug the shit out of you until you let me know! :P

If you want me to keep going we will find out why Edward left in the first place because even Jose can't keep dreams away…

Confused in any way? Please let me know so I can try to clear it up in the next chapter.

Questions? Comments? Just leave them in the review! Lol

T


	3. Without You

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS but I own my own twisted imagination, I think…

* * *

_**I've sure enjoyed the rain but I'm looking forward to the sun**_

_**You have to feel the pain when you lose the love you gave someone **_

_**I thought by now the time would take away these lonely tears**_

_**I hope you're doin' fine all alone but where do I go from here **_

_**Cause without you I'm not okay **_

_**And without you I've lost my way **_

_**My heart's stuck in second place ooooooo **_

_**Without you **_

**Without You by The Dixie Chicks**

I sat in my own little corner for at least an hour. James and Vicky kept everyone at bay and I was left to my own devices. I had done somewhere around five or six shots and besides feeling numb and my head feeling slightly cloudy, the alcohol was doing nothing for the memories and thoughts that just kept pushing their way to the front of my mind. Forcing me to look at them.

I leaned forward and grabbed the bottle that was still sitting in front of me and replaced the cap. Then I swiveled in my seat so my back was against the wall, I drew my legs up and wrapped my arms around them then rested my chin on my knees. I sat facing the bar and the doors.

I sat there watching the flow of people, the laughter, seeing the smiles, but I felt detached. I felt like I was sitting in my own little world. Kind of like peering into a snow globe or maybe it would be a better analogy that **I** was the one inside the snow globe. Trapped. Forced to watch the world around me move and go on while I, on the inside, felt unchanged and trapped. Stuck in second gear. Then every once in a while a thought or action or sometimes, like now, something as simple as the change of seasons would stir everything up and my world became chaos.

It wasn't fair. I hated not being able to look myself in the mirror and feel worthy or desired in any way… I felt cheap and stupid and unworthy of love... And it was because of HIM.

"MASEN!" I hear someone yell. I shook my head trying to clear the fogginess and come back to reality.

I looked up and saw Jasper coming through the door. He was smiling and waving his hands, right behind him I could make out a couple more figures, one being a tall beautiful blonde, which I was assuming was Jasper's sister Rose. We had never met but I had heard enough stories from Jasper and Alice to feel like I had known her my whole life.

But tonight… I didn't feel like making new acquaintances or using my fake smile, no tonight I wanted to be alone and wallow in my own self pity. So I took the cowards way out.

I waved back then slid from my perch and under the bar as quickly as I could. James was already waiting for me holding the door open.

"You ok?" He asked, concern written plainly over his face as I stepped past him.

"Honestly… no. But I don't think I will ever be ok again." Speaking the truth and in turn revealing more to him about me than I ever had. I blame that on the alcohol. "But I will survive. If for nothing else but Ness." I tried to smile at him but failed miserably. Tears starting to fall.

"Bella…"

"No James…" I said cutting him off. "I just really need some time alone. Tell Jasper I am sorry but I just can't tonight. OH and give him that." I said pointing to my unfinished bottle of tequila still sitting on the bar. "Anyone who can deal with Alice on a day to day basis deserves a drink."

Then I turned and continued past James and through the door. Closing and locking it behind me. The lock wouldn't keep James or Vicky out seeing as they both had keys. I guess it wouldn't keep Jasper out either if he was that determined because he too had a key. But I knew they would all respect my privacy and leave me alone for a while.

I walked slowly up the stairs, still listening to the sounds from downstairs. Just as I made it to the top I heard a voice that sounded so familiar but I just couldn't place it.

It was a loud guffaw, "Well she obviously knows your wife." The voice was loud and it seemed to resonate throughout my whole apartment. I knew that voice from somewhere, but my brain wasn't functioning on all cylinders, and I just couldn't place a name or a face with the voice.

I shook it off and closed the other door at the top of the steps behind me, not bothering to lock that one. I just mainly closed it to block more of the noise from downstairs. It worked. A little. But I did double check the lock on the door that led directly outside. Which was right next to the door that led downstairs. We hardly ever used it but it was habit to make sure it was locked.

There was one more door next to the door that led outside. It was our pantry/laundry room. It held our canned goods and miscellaneous food products also our washer and dryer.

My apartment felt deadly still and silent except from the constant hum of activity and music that still floated up the stairs and through the floor boards. Ness loved to lay on the floor with ear to the floor and listen to the music and feel the slight vibration. Some nights it was the only way she would be able to fall asleep.

I suddenly missed Ness. I wished she was there to distract my mind from the path it was bound to take whether I wanted it to or not.

I forced myself to move. I walked into the hallway pausing outside the kitchen for a moment. Contemplating just going and curling up in bed or on the couch. Taking the more responsible approach I went into the kitchen.

The kitchen was not huge but not small by any means. It was the perfect size for just me and Ness. It had all the normal features and modern technologies and still had room for a small table. It would seat four, five if we squeezed in.

I walked over to the coffee pot and set it up to run in the morning. Knowing I would need it then.

I opened the fridge and after a few moments of contemplation I grabbed the grape jelly and a bottle of water. I turned around and carried both to the counter behind me and set them down. I hadn't eaten anything all day long so I figured I better eat something or the hangover would be twice as bad. I grabbed the bread and peanut butter and quickly made myself a sandwich. I ate it quickly, then returned the rest of the ingredients to their rightful places, before making my out of the kitchen, with the bottle of water in hand.

The living room was the largest room and it set directly over the bar and was also right off the kitchen. So, because of the bar, there were times it was the loudest room. We had hardwood floors and a large plush sofa, one recliner, a love seat, and a large screen television. No need for a stereo, we could always open the doors that led to the bar if we wanted to listen music. On the wall opposite the TV was a large bay window, a rocking chair, and a large bookcase. That was my favorite spot. Ness loved to sit in my lap and rock while I read to her. We both loved to read. That's where I headed. Not to read but to sit and look out the window.

I closed my eyes briefly thinking about the rest of our apartment.

The only other thing in the living room was Liz's, now Ness's, baby grand piano. Liz started teaching Ness to play before she could even walk. Surprisingly Ness was really good for her age and truly seemed to enjoy it.

Jane, twenty something years old who lived with her husband in a small home a few blocks away, would come over once a week and work with Ness now that Liz was gone. Liz apparently had been the one who taught Jane how to play.

Both bedrooms were the same size and were located down a short hallway directly off the living room. Mine was the first one on the right and Ness's room was at the end of the hallway. It used to be Liz's room. After she moved out I moved Ness out of my room and into the other one. It worked out good because Ness's room was located directly over the storage room and part of the kitchen. So on nights like tonight, as long as you shut her bedroom door there wasn't much noise in there.

There was a medium sized bathroom directly across the hall from my room and Ness and I shared it. It wasn't huge but it had an old claw foot tub and a shower, along with the sink, toilet and a small closet that held our towels and whatnots.

Spongebob had recently become Ness's obsession, after a night with Kailie, and we just **HAD** to redecorate her room. We painted the walls an ocean blue and her twin sized bed was covered in Spongebob. Not to mention everything else in her room was Spongebob. The trashcan, her lamps, posters, she even had towels with Spongebob laying over her night stand. Not to mention the small TV that looked like the yellow sponge, that she just **HAD** to have. Shoes, clothes, everything was Spongebob. Far cry from the Winnie the Pooh she had as an infant.

I smiled fondly thinking about the yellow that radiated out of her room. When the sun shone it made her whole room light up.

I opened my eyes and looked out the window. From where I sat I could see the small line of stores and buildings that sat across the road. There was a small grocery store, that didn't have much more than your basic needs. Most people around here either hunted for their meat or drove to Anchorage to do their grocery shopping once a month. We were lucky, being a bar and restaurant, whenever I placed an order for food I would just order whatever else we needed and it would be delivered once a week.

Holding my bottle of water in my hands I began to rock. I noticed that two of the buildings that usually sat empty had sold signs in the windows. So it looked like we would be getting at least two new neighbors.

I sat there for a while trying to stop my mind from wandering to much… but again failing miserably.

With a small growl of frustration I pushed myself out of my chair and made my way to the bathroom, hoping a hot shower would help sooth my nerves.

I walked into the bathroom and turned the water on so it could begin to warm up. I heard the pipes groan like normal and I began taking my clothes off and throwing them in the hamper we kept in the bathroom. I noticed it was getting kind of full but I would deal with that tomorrow.

After undressing I quickly stepped into the shower. I made minor adjustments to the heat level then lifted my face into the spray letting the water hit me and start relaxing my tired muscles. It felt deliciously good and for a moment I felt like I was in another world where I was carefree, unburdened by my thoughts, worries, and ultimately my life. It didn't last long before I began to feel the memories begin to push their way back to the forefront.

I began to hear him. I could almost feel him taking my face in his hands and placing a loving kiss on my lips. I opened my eyes and was quickly brought back to reality. I was alone in my apartment, in my shower daydreaming about a man that claimed that I meant nothing to him but a good fuck that he had to work hard and long to get. I felt the old wound rip open and I began to cry.

I cried while I washed my hair and scrubbed my body. Suddenly feeling more dirty than I had felt before I stepped into the shower. I stood in that shower and scrubbed, shaved, then scrubbed some more, until my whole body was red and tingled because I had scrubbed so much.

I got stepped out slowly, careful not to fall and crack my head, mentally scolding myself for not getting a towel out before I got into the shower. As quickly as I could I went to the closet and grabbed the first towel I could get my hands on, which happened to be one of Ness's Spongebob towels, then wrapped it around my body and made my way to my room.

I walked into my room and over to the stand next to my bed and turned the small lamp I had there on. As soon as it was on it bathed my room in a gentle light and I was enveloped in wood and white.

My room was simple and plain yet elegant. There was a oak four posted bed with matching dresser and nightstands. My bed spread that was huge white and fluffy. Liz had bought it for me not long after the first snow we had… right after I told her the snow made me feel somewhat secure, safe. She presented me with it saying, "_This way you will always have a blanket of snow with you, and whenever you want to escape, you can hide under your very own blanket of snow_", and that's exactly what I intended to do, crawl under my blanket and hide from the world. Then besides a few pictures of Ness and my TV, that was it.

I quickly walked over to the dresser and pulled out a oversized shirt and a simple pair of white cotton panties. Slipping them both on quickly then began toweling my hair dry, but after a few moments I said fuck it and pulled my hair back into a loose braid and crawled into my bed, then reached over and flipped the lamp off and pulled the comforter up and over my head.

I turned on my side and curled into the fetal position, wrapping my arms around my legs, and I couldn't fight it anymore…. I began crying and remembering him and my final days in Forks….

They say sex changes people, then also say that sex can drive a person to do or say things they didn't mean. I wish I knew who started that saying because I would call that mother fucker and tell him just how right he was.

Ed….ugh I couldn't even think his name with out feeling like my heart was breaking again… He and I had dated our whole Junior year and we were still going strong ( or so I thought) almost all the way through our senior year.

It was four months before graduation, when I finally realized that he was the only man I would ever want. We had already said the three little words(many times in fact) that seemed to be so damn important to everyone. I love you. We had been saying them for a while but it finally seemed to sink in for me. I loved him.. I always would…shit I always had, even before we had even started dating. He was my forever and I foolishly thought I was his.

I thought we would be together forever, so I gave him the one thing I could only give once. The one thing that meant so much to me, I thought it was a way I could show him just how much I loved him…. My virginity… Because he knew how much it meant to me…. HE FUCKING KNEW… We had discussed it many times. He never pushed me, he always said he would wait for as long as it took for me to feel I was ready…. Even if it meant we would get married first. He promised me the world, then as soon as he got what he wanted… he disappeared.

It was about four months before graduation and before I realized I was even pregnant with Ness, not that knowing I was pregnant would have been good enough to change his mind but…

It was a week after we had sex and he had been acting strange since that night. He wouldn't return half of my phone calls and sometimes he would ignore me when we were at school.

I had come home after a particularly hard day at school, wondering what the hell I had done wrong… I honestly still don't understand fully what I did wrong….

He had left school without even saying goodbye. I drove home crying, just to find him sitting in his car waiting for me in my driveway.

I got out of my truck slowly, honestly contemplating just leaving again. He didn't look at me. He just stared at his feet as I made my way up to him.

"Walk with me?" He asked, still staring at his feet. His voice sounded hard, unfeeling. Not the loving and caring voice of the man I had fallen in love with. He has started walking not waiting for me to answer.

We walked in silence into the wooded area behind Charlie's house. We would go there often when we wanted to talk or just be alone for a little while. There was a small clearing we would walk to. We had drug an old log over into the middle so we could sit on it or lean against it.

Once we reached our spot he walked to the log and sat, gesturing for me to do the same. I just automatically sat never questioning.

"Bella…" He said never looking up. Never making eye contact. "I don't want to be with you anymore. I am going to go live with Emmet down in Los Angles." Emmet had received a full ride football scholarship to USC the year before.

"You don't want to be with me anymore?" I asked softly, confused. But I felt my heart and my world shattering with each word he spoke.

He finally lifted his face and looked at me, making eye contact as he spoke the words that finished me off. His eyes revieled nothing, they look just as cold and unfeeling as the rest of him did.

"I got what I wanted from you. I am only upset that it took as long as it did." With that he stood and walked away from me and I never saw him again.

I sat glued to the spot on our log as I tried to grasp what the hell had just happened. Unfortunately I never figure it out.. I honestly still didn't know exactly what happened. But I just knew I wasn't enough for him. I never had been and I guess looking back on it, it made sense.

He was tall, dark, handsome, smart, athletic, and to be honest with myself he was just fucking gorgeous and perfect. I was not any of those things. I mean I was smart I guess, but I had never considered myself pretty, even now I didn't see it. I was plain Jane and he was everything I was not. I could never be good enough… I didn't deserve him and I was just plain fucking stupid to believe I ever did. Stupid, young, and naive.

Less than three weeks later I found out I was pregnant. At first I was scared. Well terrified would have been the better term but I took comfort in the fact that I would always have a piece of HIM with me, proof that he existed, proof that even if he didn't feel the same way some form of love still existed.

So I began trying to live for the child I carried. I hid it from everyone, including Charlie. Which was surprisingly easier than it sounded. Charlie was always busy with work or fishing or something and I didn't have much morning sickness. My friends I just pushed away. I stopped talking to everyone. I began sitting alone at lunch and just kept to myself.

At first people tried to talk to me, well Angela, Ben, Mike, and Eric, tried to talk. But after multiple tries and me just blatantly ignoring them all each and every time, they just stopped trying. Angela told me that if I EVER needed to or wanted to talk, she would be there for me. Charlie and Angela were the only two I truly missed from Forks.

I drove myself to Seattle to a free clinic and had all the test I needed ran and getting all the prescriptions I would need, refusing to go to the hospital in Port Angeles where Carlisle worked, afraid he would somehow find out and tell him…. Not that he would have cared if he found out but I also didn't want him to just come back because I was pregnant. Not that he would have but I just couldn't take that chance. I just didn't want his fucking pity.

I guess I should have told him or at least told his parents but I just couldn't bring myself to take that chance. I was absolutely terrified that he would come back and make some attempt to be in my life just because I was pregnant, but I didn't want his pity, I had enough for the both of us… I was also terrified that if I told him or his parents they would try to take her from me, and then I would be left with nothing. I absolutely and positively REFUSED to take that chance and then be left with nothing.

Ultimately that's what helped me make my decision to leave Forks.

Esme and even Carlisle tried to contact me before I left but thank god for caller id. I ignored them the same way I ignored everyone else.

If basically crawled inside myself and ceased to exist. It was the easiest way for me to cope, just bottle it up and refuse to look at the facts. I honestly felt like part of me had died that afternoon he left me in the woods.

So I concentrated on my baby. Everything I did or ate… shit, every breath I took… I did it for my baby.

I had found out the afternoon before graduation that it was a girl and as much as my life had changed up until that moment… When they said it was a girl and I saw that heartbeat… My life changed completely.

That night at graduation, I saw Esme and Carlisle. I don't know why they were even there but they watched my every move. It made me nervous. I mean Carlisle was a doctor, I was scared that he would be able to tell I was pregnant and I had convinced myself that they would have tried to take my baby. I was the daughter of the police chief, money I didn't have. The Cullen's had money coming out of their ears… I couldn't take that chance.

As soon as the ceremony was over I left. Charlie came home some time later and asked me where I went, I just told him I was feeling sick so I came home. He never pressed the issue.

The next day Charlie left for work and I began packing as many things into my truck without making it look like I was doing it. I made Charlie dinner that night and turned in early.

The next morning as soon as I heard Charlie's cruiser pull away I grabbed everything else I was taking and put it into the truck. I left Charlie a note telling him that I loved him but I just had to get away from this town. There were to many memories and I needed a fresh start. I asked him to call my mom and tell her I loved her too, I said I was sorry then left his house, and never looked back.

I stopped on my way out of town and took what little I had saved for college out of the bank, then left town. I hadn't been back since. I have never even called….

After a few days driving and sleeping mostly in my truck, for whatever reason I found my way to Sutton-Alpine, Alaska. Two months later I legally changed my name and as they say the rest is history.

By now I was sobbing so hard it was hard to breath. I was gasping for air and desperately clutching my chest, trying to make the pain go away. But it never does. Everytime I let myself remember this is what happened.

I had nightmares almost nightly. Half the time they were about him telling me I was basically no more to him than a piece of ass. The other half of the times it was always about someone taking Ness from me. Tonight it was a combination of the two. I don't remember falling asleep but I knew I was asleep as soon as I heard his voice.

_I was running through the woods as fast and as hard as I could while holding Ness and not falling on my face. They were so close and I couldn't run any faster, suddenly right in front of me was a wall and I was trapped. There was no where else to run, no where else to hide and I could hear them getting closer and closer…. _

"_She's mine Bella. Give her to me, you don't deserve her, you fucking whore." I heard the voice and he was close. To close…._

I woke up screaming and clutching my chest. No sooner did I wake up, open my eyes, and see that I was safe in my bed my phone rang. Sweating and panting I snatched the phone and looked at the clock on the nightstand.

Two o'clock in the morning. Who in the hell would be calling me in at this time of night… or morning. I flipped the lamp on and looked at the caller ID. Incoming call from Hale, Jasper. What the hell?

"Hello?" I said slightly panicked and still under the influence of my dreams. So not totally thinking clearly. A million different scenarios flashed in my head. All ending with Ness either hurt or lost or worse.

"Bells? Oh my gosh I am sorry to be calling at this hour but Ness just woke up and was throwing a fit to either come home or call you. I figured either way we had to call you…" To early to deal with Alice…

"Alice is she ok?" I said cutting her off. To early to play nice.

"Yes she is fine she is just freaking out about talking to you."

"Put her on." Oh my head… Note to self, kick James ass. Drinking may solve things in his eyes but all it has done for me was give me worse nightmares than usual and give me a huge headache. He just lost that raise I was thinking about giving him….

"Mommy!" Ness screeched as soon as Alice handed her the phone.

"Nessa honey calm down." And please dear god make her stop with that sound. "What's wrong?"

"I shouldn't have left you tonight mommy. I am sorry."

"What are you talking about Ness? What's wrong, you have done nothing wrong." To tired to make sense of her babbling.

"It was green today mommy. I just thought about it. I should have stayed home with you." She promptly started bawling her eyes out.

She was a very perceptive child. Another trait she got from me. My heart broke for her. "Sweetie, I am fine."

"No your not. I can tell you have been crying mommy. I wanna come home." "Ness it's two in the morning. You don't need to come home now. I am fine angel." I tried my best to make it sound believable.

"Please mommy…" She sobbed into the phone.

"Put Aunt Alice back on the phone for a minute." I heard a rustling as she passed the phone back.

"Alice I can't drive. I had a few drinks tonight."

"I know Jasper said you looked a little trashed when they got there tonight." She was whispering so I assumed Ness was still close by. "Jasper said he could bring her home…"

"Doesn't he have to work tomorrow? Wait didn't he drink tonight too?" Jasper was a lawyer, his main office was in Anchorage but he sometimes did work at home.

"It's Saturday ding dong. He doesn't have to work and no he was the designated driver last night."

"Oh ok."

"I will get her stuff together and Jasper will have her there in a few minutes." "I am so sorry Alice. I know you have company and everything…"

"Nonsense Bells. You and Ness are just as much family to us as the rest of these loons here are. She wants her mommy. It's ok."

"Thanks Alice." I said with a sigh of relief. " I owe you guys one."

"You don't owe us anything B. It's cool."

"Dinner on me tomorrow night Alice. You and everyone else. I will put something special together so you don't have to cook for everyone."

"Now that's a deal I won't pass up. If you promise to make your Lasagna."

"Deal." I said smiling despite the dull throbbing in my head. "Come on by around seven?" Saturday's are usually dead around here. Everyone parties on Friday then hangs out at home Saturday. We opened early for breakfast and stayed open until six. So we could hang out downstairs as long as we wanted to, since we were closed on Sundays. "Hey you don't mind if James and Vicky join us do you?"

"Nope that's fine with me. As long as I don't have to cook for everyone you can invite the Pope for all I care. Jasper and Ness are leaving."

"Tell Jasper I will meet him downstairs."

"Will do."

"Thanks again Alice and sorr…."

"No apologies Masen. Your welcome and we will all see you at seven tonight. We love ya Bells."

"Love you guys too Ali." Then the line went dead.

So at I crawled out from under the covers and sat briefly on the edge of my bed. No spinning, no feelings of sickness, so besides a dull throbbing in my head I was fine.

I stood up and went to the dresser and pulled out a pair of pajama bottoms, of course the ones I grabbed had to be the ones with Spongebob on them. Ness had matching ones. I snorted at the irony as I pulled them on, slipped a pair of slippers on, and made my way downstairs to wait on Jasper.

The bar was empty but smelled faintly of stale cigarettes and alcohol, mixed with the smell of the cleaning agents I used earlier. It smelled exactly the same as the night I arrived in town. I stood there momentarily, smiling fondly as I remembered Liz.

I was brought out of my daze by a slight knock on the door. I jogged over to the door and undid the locks and pulled the door open.

There stood Jasper, who looked tired but he still smiled warmly at me in greeting, Ness was beside him holding his hand. Her face was tear stained and her eyes were bright red from crying. As soon as she saw me she started crying again, dropped Jasper's hand and flung herself at me. I bent down and picked her up, holding her tightly to me, in an attempt to comfort her.

"Thanks Jasper." I said smiling and stepping in to give him a quick half hug, which was kind of hard considering I was still holding Ness, but we made it work. Jasper kissed Ness on the top of the head then gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you for cooking tonight. Alice has been freaking herself out over that. Now maybe she will shut up and go to sleep for a while." Jasper said smirking at me.

"She hasn't been asleep yet?" I said cocking my head in disbelief.

"It's Alice. Need I say more?" He said laughing.

"No I guess you don't." I said smiling back.

"Night Bells, I will see you later tonight." Jasper said smiling then turning around and walking back to the car.

"Night Jazz." I said and he waved in acknowledgement before he climbed in his car and I shut the door and locked it behind me.

Ness didn't say a word as I carried her upstairs. I set her down briefly as shut and locked the bottom door and took her jacket off, placing it on a hook in the stairwell. I picked her back up and grabbed her bag and walked the rest of the way up the stairs.

When we got upstairs I gently pulled her shoes off and set her bag down. I started to carry her to her room when she finally spoke.

"Can I sleep with you mommy."

"Of course angel."

I slipped into my room and lay her on the bed, then walked around to the other side and climbed in next to my daughter.

She snuggled as close as she could get and I rest my chin against her head and holding her in my arms.

"You want to talk about it Ness?"

"I am sorry mommy. I had a bad dream and when I woke up I 'membered that it was green outside for the first time this year and you weren't there and I was scared and…" She burst back into tears.

"Sweetie, stop. It's ok. Mommy is ok. You don't have to worry about me. What was your dream about?"

"A strange man tried to take me away from you and I couldn't find you."

I felt the tears come to my eyes and for a moment I couldn't answer her or say anything. My throat was constricted, choking back emotions I didn't want to face anymore. I took a few seconds before I answered her.

"Ness, look at mommy." I said pulling back slightly and looking down into her emerald green eyes. "I promise you on everything I love angel, that will NEVER happen. No one will ever take you away from me. Do you hear me."

She nodded slowly before wrapping her arms around my neck and sobbing once again. I just held her, rocking her and humming lullaby after lullaby.

Eventually her sobbing stopped and I felt her drift back to sleep and I took some of the comfort she offered me without knowing it. Just holding her in my arms, I felt better. Stronger even.

Not long after she drifted asleep, I fell back to sleep too, with Ness still wrapped in my arms and her head on my chest.

This time when I fell asleep. I didn't dream.

_**Well I never thought I'd be lying here without you by my side **_

_**it seems unreal to me, that the life you promised was a lie **_

_**You made it look so easy, makin' love into memories **_

_**I guess you got what you wanted, but what about me **_

_**cause without you I'm not okay **_

_**and without you I've lost my way **_

_**my heart's stuck in second place, ooooooo **_

_**Without you **_

_**Somebody tell my head to try to tell me heart, **_

_**that I'm better off, without you **_

_**Cause baby I can't liiive... **_

_**without you I'm not okay **__**and **_

_**without you I've lost my way **_

_**my heart's stuck in second place, ooooooo **_

_**Without you **_

**Without You by the Dixie Chicks**

* * *

A/N Song used in this chapter is obviously Without You by the Dixie Chicks and is actually my inspiration to write this fanfic. No copy write infringement intended for either Stephanie Meyers or Dixie Chicks or Reba from the last chapter. Or any other artist I use throughout this story. I will put a link up on my profile for the Without You. Feel free to check it out!

Questions? Comments? Please leave them below. I love to hear from everyone who reads and I do respond. Sometimes you may even get a little inside information….

Thanks for reading!

_**T**_


	4. Author's note

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS but I own my own twisted imagination, I think…

A/N Really quick I need to clear a few things up that I keep getting questions about.

1. This is an all human story, which means NO vamps and NO werewolves.

2. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE knows about Bella's past, including where she came from or who the father of Ness is. Even Liz only knows so much. Bella doesn't talk about it and no one has asked questions. She changed her last name when she moved in with Liz to try to move on and start over. NO ONE but Liz even knew her last name used to be Swan.

3. Alice is NOT a Cullen. Never has been. The only tie she has to them is through Jasper, her husband. Jasper's sister is Rose and Rose is married to Emmet. Emmet is obviously Edward's brother.

4. Eye color and hair color are not enough to tell if someone is someone's child. It might raise some questions but as for putting two and two together I would think you would need a little more information.

OK I think that is everything I needed to cover quickly. If I missed something please let me know and I will cover it in the next chapter.

Quick thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read this so far and a SUPER BIG thanks to everyone who has taken the time to review, I love to hear your thoughts on what is going on and it makes it easier for me to write knowing you are enjoying what I am writing. So thank you XOXO!

OK I just had to clear all that up really quick… The real chapter is being posted as we speak… or read… whatever by the time you have read this it will be up!

XOXOX

T


	5. Changes

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS but I own my own twisted imagination, I think…

* * *

_**I'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am**_

_**I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)**_

_**I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs**_

_**There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb**_

_**I try to hold this Under control**_

_**They can't help me 'Cause no one knows**_

_**Now I'm going through changes, changes**_

_**God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately**_

_**When I get suffocated, save me**_

_**Now I'm going through changes, changes**_

_**I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone**_

_**Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone**_

_**I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn**_

_**It feel like I've been buried underneath the weight of the world**_

_**I try to hold this Under control**_

_**They can't help me 'Cause no one knows**_

_**Now I'm going through changes, changes**_

_**God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately**_

_**When I get suffocated, save me**_

_**Now I'm going through changes, changes**_

**Changes by Three Doors Down**

I woke before my alarm. Eyes still closed I rolled over and quickly switched it off before it had the chance to go off and wake Ness. I rolled back over on my side facing Ness and laid there for a few more moments, mentally fighting with myself to get my lazy ass up and get moving.

The mornings after my yearly mental breakdown were always hard. I was always on edge and felt emotionally raw. This year was no different, in fact it felt a little worse than normal. I lay there in my bed desperately trying to rebuild the walls I had carefully constructed to protect myself. Each year this was getting harder, I know I needed to talk to someone but I didn't know who or how anymore.

I have spent years trying to keep my past in the past and move on, not only for my own sake but for my daughters. But it was made abundantly clear last night that my mental breakdowns were affecting more than just me anymore. Ness knew what triggered them, and that wasn't sitting well with me. I tried so hard to hide it from her and she is obviously more observant than I give her credit for. My life was dedicated to her and now I could see that I was hurting her, unintentionally, but that didn't matter. She shouldn't have to see me like that, she shouldn't have to worry about me, and she shouldn't feel guilty for spending the night at a friends house because she had to leave me alone. That needed to change…..

No child should have to act like the parent. I had done it for years with Renee and I refused to let my daughter have to go through with me. I wanted to be the mother that Renee wasn't. So I needed to make changes.

So to make changes, I needed to deal with my fears or at least let some other adult in on them so I could talk to someone. But who? James? Vicky? Alice? They would all listen but then I would be afraid that they would judge me or our relationship would change. I mean I had been literally lying to each and everyone of them since I showed up in town. My name wasn't even the same, how do you explain that to someone who thinks they know you.

"_Uh yeah guys sorry to inform you but my last name isn't Masen. I am not related to Liz. My last name is Swan. My daughters father, the love of my life, basically told me I was no more to him than a good fuck that took to long to get. I found out after he left me like yesterdays trash that I was pregnant with Ness and I ran away from home. I wound up here, how, I don't know and have been lying to your faces for over five years. So anyone want a cookie?"_ Yeah I don't think so.

I could call Liz. I knew she would understand, shit she probably would be grateful for a little insight into my delusional mind, but I felt like this was my cross to bear. I didn't want pity from anyone, and I was terrified of change. That they would look at me differently. The last time I had trusted someone enough to let them in completely, trusted them with my heart and secrets, it was thrown back into my face and I refused to let that happen again. I don't think I could survive it again.

Ultimately though, I think my biggest fear was that somehow it would get back to him or his parents and they would take my only reason for living away. Then all my secrets, all my pain, and all my lies would have been for nothing and I would be left with nothing. Alone. That was a change I was unwilling to make.

I felt the tears start falling once again as I internally struggled to get my mind straight.

"Mommy? Why are you crying?" I heard Ness whisper and if it was possible my heart broke a little more, knowing I was doing it again. I felt her wipe my tears away and I opened my eyes to peer into her emerald orbs.

"Nothing angel. Mommy just had a bad dream. I'm ok. What are you doing up?"

I glanced back at the clock it was 6:30 in the morning. I had to be downstairs in a half hour to open. I could smell bacon and sausage cooking so I knew Vicky and James were already downstairs prepping. I could smell my coffee brewing in the kitchen which made me realize I felt like I had been eating sand last night.

"I couldn't sleep no more." She replied and she had a frown on her face while she looked at me.

"Why sweetie? What's wrong?" I asked smoothing her hair back from her face.

She looked at me for a moment, with a sad look in her eyes. "Mommy can I ask you a question? But don't answer if it will make you cry more…"

"Angel you can ask me anything. You don't need to worry about making me upset. The only thing that will make me sad is to see you sad. OK?" She nodded then snuggled closer burying her head into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. I could tell she was either upset over something or scared to ask me. "What's wrong Ness?"

"Mommy… do I have a daddy?" She asked softly. _Oh god, why today? I am already down why kick me? _

I was thankful Ness couldn't see my face currently, because I was struggling to remain calm, to keep the tears away, for my daughters sake. She deserved an answer.

"Of course you do baby. Everyone has a daddy and a mommy." I said running my fingers through her hair.

"Where is my daddy?" I bit my cheek, hard, trying with everything I had to keep the tears away.

"In all honesty baby. I don't know where he is anymore. He left mommy before she knew she was going to have you." My voice wavered slightly but held.

"Did you have a fight?"

"Yeah something like that." She didn't need to know every detail.

"Can I ask another one mommy?" She said after a few moments of silence.

"Anything baby." I whispered, nothing she asked now could be as bad.

"Where are your mommy and daddy?" _Maybe I was wrong_.

"They are far away from here." I was at a loss. I didn't know what to say to her. I had known this day was coming but I didn't expect it this soon.

"Are they in heaven like Papa Masen?" This is what she called Liz's husband. Even though neither of us had met him personally, Liz talked about him all the time and we truly felt like we had know him.

"No sweetie, they aren't with Papa Masen. They are still here on earth."

"Why don't I know them?"

"That's a long story sweetie and it's one that will have to wait until you are older to understand."

"Will I ever get to meet them?"

"Someday. I promise someday you will meet them." I hoped with all hope that I could keep that promise. Honestly I didn't even know if they were still alive, it has been so long since I talked to them…

"Do I have any Uncles or Aunties like Kailie?" _Deep breath Bells you can get through this._

"Well baby… mommy doesn't have any brothers or sisters, but your daddy had a brother. So you have an uncle… but I don't know if he is married and that would be the only way you would have an Auntie."

"But I have Uncle James and Aunt Vicky and Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper. OH and Nana Liz. Right?" She pulled back and looked into my eyes, imploring, searching.

"Of course baby. Now can I ask a question?" I asked placing my forehead against hers.

She nodded slightly and waited. Looking into my eyes.

"Where did all this come from sweetie?" I just couldn't imagine her asking all these questions out of the blue. Maybe it was just seeing Kailie's family….

"The man at Kailie's house asked me and I didn't know… I was 'fused cause I didn't know the answers..."

"What man Kailie?" I asked softly, not wanting her to be scared or upset by telling me, but I felt a little irritated that some stranger was asking my daughter questions like that.

"I can't 'member his name." She said with a frown. "He was Auntie Rose's brother law. Uncle E's brother. I can call them that can't I mommy? They said it was ok. Kailie said she would share since we were bestest friends."

"Yes baby, if you want to, it's fine. Hey why don't we get dressed and go down and have Aunt Vicky make you some pancakes?"

Her eyes lit up. "Can I have chocolate chips in them?"

"Sure baby, go get dressed and we will get you some chocolate chip pancakes."

"KAY!" She said excitedly then before I could blink she was up and gone.

I lay there for a moment shaking my head before I rolled over and sat on the edge of the bed.

My mind felt like it was in overdrive. Part of me thought that the questions that were asked were harmless and another part was slightly upset that some stranger was asking invasive questions. _Maybe it's just because you feel guilty you have never talked to her about it? _I asked myself.

I tried to shake it off. I pushed up off the bed realizing my head was pounding slightly and the thoughts that were swirling through my head were not helping.

I dressed on autopilot while my mind swirled. I vaguely remembered pulling on a bra and faded blue jeans before pulling on a blue tee. I was sitting on my bed pulling on a pair of socks, when Ness reappeared. Fully dressed and ready to go.

She placed her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes, when she saw that I wasn't quite ready yet.

"Come on mommy. Hurry!"

"Sweetie you can go on down. Tell Uncle James what you want and I will be down in just a minute. I need to get a cup of coffee and start a load of laundry, then I will be down ok?"

"Ok!" She said happily then she was gone.

"WALK!" I yelled after her.

I heard her grumble something but I also heard her pace slow. I glanced at the clock. 7:15 I should be down stairs but I figured they could handle it for a few minutes. Its not like there were lines wrapping around the building or anything. We always had a steady flow on Saturdays but they just sort of trickled in until eight, then we picked up a little.

I pulled my socks on then after a brief hunt I found my shoes. I pulled them on and went to get the laundry together. After a brief 'treasure hunt' for dirty clothes through Ness's room, I had my laundry started and went to pour myself a cup of coffee.

I stood in the kitchen leaning against the counter thinking about Ness. I truly didn't know what to do. I was fine that she wanted to know but I just had this feeling…. I couldn't shake it. Who was this man and why was he asking my five year old daughter questions like that?

By the time I headed downstairs I was slightly pissed.

I walked into the room and Ness was sitting at the bar eating her pancakes with a smile. I noticed James had turned the TV on above the bar for her and she was engrossed in the wild, exciting world of _Spongebob Square Pants_. In fact she didn't even notice me when I came in.

"Good Morning Bells!" James with more energy than normal for a Saturday. "How are you feeling this morning?" He said with a smirk.

"Hate to disappoint you, but other than my mouth feeling like I ate saw dust last night and a mild headache, I am fine." I said glaring at him.

"Wow add bitchy to that list." "Shut up James, I am not in the mood." I said then turned and made my way towards the kitchen.

"Cuervo is not a friend of yours…." I heard him mumble as I stalked off.

For some reason I felt like a bottle of champagne that had been shook up. I could feel the pressure building and I felt like I was about to explode.

I flung the kitchen door open with a little more force than necessary and walked in.

Vicky jumped and turned to look at me, she narrowed her eyes slightly before she turned back to the grill. "What crawled up your ass this morning?" Leave it to Vicky…

"Nothing.. It's just not been an easy morning." I sighed and my shoulders sagged a little.

"Wanna talk about it?"

_Yes_. "No, I'll be ok. You and James are staying for dinner right?" I asked trying to change the subject and get my mind off everything else.

"I didn't know we were invited."

"Oh shut up bitch you know you are always invited." I said smiling, when I saw her shoulders start to shake.

"You are lucky I am proud to be a bitch otherwise I would have to beat you down."

"Bring it on, I could use a way to release some pent up anger."

"Sweetie I would wipe the floor with your little ass."

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah… Love you Vicky."

"Love you to Bells."

I know we didn't say much but I felt like Vicky just kind of understood and it made me feel a little better.

"So what's for dinner since I am invited?" She asked as I started some of the prep work for my sauce.

"Lasagna."

"Oh, well in that case we will come." She said with a snicker. As she walked to the window and yelled at James the order was ready. There wasn't another order yet so she leaned on the counter next to me while I worked.

"Oh you would have been there if I served green eggs and ham." I said while chopping onions.

"You think?" She said, crossing her arms.

"Yep." I said popping the P.

"You sure are a cocky bitch this morning."

"Nope," I said popping the P again, mainly because I knew it annoyed her. "I just need my backup tonight."

She cocked her head and looked at me. "Why?"

"Remember you already agreed to come."

She narrowed her eyes at me, "Why do you need back up?"

"The Whitlock's are coming and they are bringing their out of town guests."

I heard her groan. Not because of the crowd, but Alice annoyed the shit out of her. "That girl has to much energy for her own damn good." I heard her mumble.

"Yeah but you aren't doing it for her, you are doing it for me." I said sticking my lip out and pouting.

She glared at me. "You know sometimes I can't stand you."

I laughed at her knowing I had won. "I know I love you too."

"Well at least you are smiling now." I heard James say from the window. "Ness went upstairs to play."

"Ok, thanks James, and I am sorry for being such a bitch this morning.."

"No need to be sorry Bells, I am married to the queen bitch." He said with a smile.

"Damn straight!" Vicky replied with a snort.

"Bells just remember that we are here for you if you want to talk." James said and Vicky nodded

I nodded and James turned around and went back to the dining area.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful. I heard all about the new doctor the town was getting and the new mechanic. It explained the two sold buildings across the street.

I finished my laundry and had the lasagna in the oven. Vicky was making a salad and the garlic bread while I went upstairs and took a shower.

When I was done I had Ness take a quick shower. I gave her a pair of jeans and a green tee to put on. I dug through my drawers and found my one dressy shirt. It was low cut and silky and a deep blue. I matched it with a pair of jean and slipped on a pair of black flats. I don't own a dress so this was as dressy as it was going to get.

I let my hair hang loose after I blew it dry. It was soft and had a natural wave to it. Placed a small amount of lip gloss on and I was ready.

I felt nervous and jittery and I had no idea why. Ness came into my room just as I was finishing up.

"You look pretty mommy."

"Thank you Ness. Now let's comb your hair."

After a few minutes of fighting with her to sit still long enough for me to comb her hair, I quickly twisted it into a braid and told her to find some shoes. Then we headed downstairs to get everything else set.

Like normal by around 6:15 the bar was empty and we turned the sign off, signaling we were closed. James had pulled a couple tables together and was setting the table when we came back down.

"I'm gonna go see if Aunt Vicky needs help." Ness said then raced off to the kitchen.

"You look nice." James said when he finally looked up when he was done setting the table. "But you look nervous. Everything ok?"

"Yeah I just feel nervous for some reason." My stomach was churning and I didn't know what to do. "Should we open a couple bottles of wine?"

"Sure but why don't I do that you sit before you have lay an egg." I didn't argue. I sat. James walked to the store room and grabbed a couple bottles of red wine and walked back out to me. He ducked under the bar and got the cork screw and then set out some wine glasses.

Ness came out carrying the bowl of salad and put it on the table, then ran back to the kitchen.

James uncorked a bottle and poured me a small glass. I didn't fight him, as long as the tequila wasn't out I was good. I sipped on the liquid and tried to calm my nerves.

Few moments later Ness reappeared carrying a huge bowl of garlic bread and Vicky followed with one of the pans of lasagna.

"I left the other pan in the warmer. I will get it when we need it." Vicky explained as she set the pan down on the table and helped Ness put the bowl of bread on the table.

I heard Alice coming before I even saw her. Talking loudly and laughing as they walked up to the door. The parking area was right next to the building.

Alice burst through the doors in true Alice fashion and running over to give me a hug. "Oh my god Bella you have no idea how much I appreciate this." She said practically bouncing in place as she held me.

My back was to the door but I heard Jasper, "Alice leave the poor girl alone and take a deep breath." Alice immediately calmed down. I looked at Ness who was giving me the 'told ya so' look.

I turned to thank Jasper as my eyes fell on a huge dark haired man, who took up the whole door and was following Rose. As soon as Rose stepped in and out of the way, the voice from last night clicked and I just about passed out.

"Oh fuck a duck…" I said to myself. James who was standing next to me looked at me, I was frozen, unable to move or talk. The man looked up and our eyes met. His eyes got huge and he opened his mouth to say something, but if he spoke, I didn't hear.

Because right behind him was a man, with copper hair and green eyes. He was more muscular than he was in high school but without a doubt it was him. The fucking devil himself. Edward Fucking Cullen. _OH GOD PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW! _I silently prayed. Our eyes met and he froze too, staring.

I backed away from the door and towards Ness. Preparing to run for it if I had to. My only flaw in that plan was that I wasn't watching Emmet. Uncle E….

"Belly is that really you?" I didn't answer. I just kept backing away from the door towards my daughter. Ness must have seen my face because she was suddenly by my side grabbing my hand. Edward's eyes flickered to Ness then back to me.

"Isabella Marie! OH MY GOD IT IS YOU!" Suddenly I was being crushed and I let out a yelp of surprise.

"Emmet….can't breath…." I managed.

Ness was still holding my hand staring up at me with wide eyes. Everyone was staring.

"Opps sorry. I just… I can't believe it's you!" He said releasing me. I hear the door click shut and I quickly glanced up, praying he had went back out the door before he closed it…. No such luck. Kailie was standing next to Jasper looking as terrified as Ness.

"You guys know each other?" I heard Alice say somewhere close to me.

"You could say that." I replied still staring at Edward.

"We are practically family!" I heard Emmet say and I could just feel the world I so carefully built start crumbling. "Her and Eddie were a hot item back in high school."

I closed my eyes wishing with everything I had that when I opened them this was just going to be a nightmare and it would just go away. Again no such luck….

"She disappeared a few days after graduation mom and dad said. No one has heard from her or seen her since." Emmet explained, smiling broadly at me.

My brain was on overload. This couldn't be happening. GOD PLEASE DON'T LET THIS BE HAPPENING!

My breathing was coming in short pants as I bent over quickly and picked up Ness.

"Bella are you ok?" I heard James ask.

I didn't answer. I couldn't. I just reacted.

Holding Ness tightly I dove under the bar and headed for our apartment. I had to get out of there and fast. I made it through the door and slammed it behind me. Taking the time to lock it behind me before dashing the rest of the way up the stairs. When I got to the top of the stairs I slammed that door behind us too. Locking, dead bolting, and finally chaining it. I contemplated dragging the fridge in front of the door…..

I set Ness on the floor, trying to catch my breath and failing miserably.

"Ness," I panted, "Is Edward the man that was asking you questions last night?" She nodded, looking completely terrified. "It's ok baby. Don't worry." I said quickly trying to calm her and calm myself.

Think Bella. FUCKING THINK!

"Ness," I said in the calmest voice I could, "Please go play in your room or watch a movie for a little while. Mommy needs to think."

"Mommy are you ok?"

"I am fine baby, please just go play for a while." She nodded and left the room. I managed to make it to the kitchen table, then fell into a chair.

I couldn't think the only thing that kept ringing in my head was,

!

What the fuck do I do now? _You wanted changes in your life dumbass…. So ready or not, here they come…_

_**I'm running, shaking**_

_**Bound and breaking**_

_**I hope I make it through all these changes**_

_**Now I'm going through changes, changes**_

_**God, I feel so frustrated lately**_

_**When I get suffocated, save me**_

_**Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it**_

_**Now I'm going through changes, changes**_

_**God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately**_

_**When I get suffocated, I hate this**_

_**But I'm going through changes, changes**_

**Changes by Three Doors Down**

* * *

A/N

Next Chapter will be from EPOV….

The song used in this chapter is Changes by Three Doors Down I will post it to my profile.

Thanks to everyone who has been reading this and a super huge thanks to everyone who has reviewed.

Special thanks to SWEETMJH who has been encouraging me to write faster! I love ya chica! XO

Thoughts? Comments? Leave me a note, I love to hear from each and everyone of you and I do respond!

XOXO

T


	6. If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS but I own my own twisted imagination, I think…

* * *

_**How did I ever let you slip away **_

_**Never knowing I'd be singing this song some day**_

_**And now I'm sinking, sinking to rise no more **_

_**Ever since you closed the door **_

_**If I could turn, turn back the hands of time **_

_**Then my darlin' you'd still be mine **_

_**If I could turn, turn back the hands of time **_

_**Then darlin' you, you'd still be mine **_

_**Funny, funny how time goes by **_

_**And blessings are missed in the wink of an eye **_

_**Why oh why oh why should one have to go on suffering **_

_**When every day I pray please come back to me **_

_**And you had enough love for the both of us **_

_**But I, I, I did you wrong, I admit I did**_

_** But now I'm facing the rest of my life alone, whoa**_

_** I'd never hurt you (If I could turn back)**_

_** Never do you wrong (If I could turn back) **_

_**And never leave your side (If I could turn back)**_

_** If I could turn back the hands**_

**If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time by R. Kelly **

EPOV

I read somewhere once that "life happens whether we are ready for it or not". Now if you would have asked me if I believed in that five years ago I would have told you I didn't care just as long as I had her by my side.

If you asked me now the same question… I would tell you that it does and it fucking sucks. I wish daily for a redo on just ONE fucking day of my life….. Maybe only a few minutes. In a matter of minutes I had destroyed everything that meant anything to me and I ended up losing her.

I was going through some life changing shit and I pushed her away… I should have talked to her… let her know what was going on, but instead I found myself pushing her away. Lying to her face and hurting her.

My Bella. I still loved her and thought about her damn near every second of everyday of my pathetic life. If I could go back in time I would kick my own ass. I had the world in my hands and I dropped it like it was hot and crushed it with my foot, shattering any chance I ever had to get it back, and GOD did I want it back.

Bella was the only thing I ever thought about. How I was able to finish school and get my medical degree in only five years is beyond me, because mentally I was still standing in the woods trying to take back the cruel words I said to her. All the lies and bullshit.

You know they also say hindsight is 20/20. Who ever thought of that is one smart mother fucker. Because even after I told her I didn't want her anymore and that all I had used her for was a fuck….that I was mad it took so long… If I could have just been a man and ignored my own problems for one minute, apologized…. Taken it back, right then and there… I was positive I would still have my angel in my arms to this day. Hindsight is a bitch….

What did I do instead? Well I ran with my tail tucked tightly between my legs and hid from all my problems. I ran away from the whole mess with my parents and Bella and moved to L.A. with Emmet.

I did nothing. I basically laid on his couch for three months. Emmet arranged for me to take a test that completed my High School education. Emmet was also the one that filled out all the college applications and then stayed on my ass like flies on shit until I finished. I owed Emmet a lot.

He was the one that after three months of not talking to my parents and avoiding everything Forks, he made me call my parents. Things were strained for a while. I would call them once a week and we would bullshit and they would tell me how much they loved me….. Back then I just didn't understand and I was in a bad place.

The week before the Fork's graduation I finally broke down and asked mom if she had talked to Bella. She said she had tried and that dad had tried but every time they tried calling Bella would not take the call or hang up on them. Mom said she ran into Bella once in the store and Bella left her cart in the middle of the isle and basically ran away. From what I can gather that's what happened at graduation too.

Mom and dad had went to Bella's graduation because they wanted to show her they still loved her and thought of her as one of their own. Mom said that as soon as Bella saw them that night making their way towards her, she turn white, then ran in the opposite direction.

They called me on the way home trying to get me to tell them what had happened between us, but I couldn't answer… How could I have told them that I told Bella she was basically nothing to me, nothing more than sex…. So I told a half truth and avoided it like I did everything else…. I told them it was complicated and I didn't want to talk about it.

Two days later I got a call from mom in tears…. Bella was gone and no one knew where she went.

Mom and dad had thought of Bella as family since the day I brought her home. They both adored Bella…. We all did. Shit even Emmet would call home to talk to her. She fit in, like the missing puzzle piece, now my puzzle was incomplete and I had no idea where that last piece of my puzzle was anymore. I had searched. God had I searched.

I called everyone I could possibly think of that could tell me where she went, but all I found out was that after I left… Bella basically withdrew from everyone. She quit talking to everyone, even her dad. From what I gathered she went to school and work. That's it. I did that to her….and it killed me knowing I did.

I hired someone to try to track her down, but it was pointless. It was like Isabella Swan didn't exist anymore, she had just disappeared. In a last ditch effort I even tried talking to Charlie. I had a feeling he knew more than he was letting on but he sure as hell wasn't giving me any information. In fact he told me if he ever saw my sorry ass again he would personally kill me and fuck the consequences. Yes the sheriff of the good old town of Forks… threatened to kill me and I couldn't blame him. It was all my fault.

Now five years later and still no idea where she was, I was in the back seat of my own car being driven to some Podunk town in the middle of nowhere.

Emmet had met Rose a few years ago. She was blonde and beautiful but had the mouth of a sailor and took NO shit from anyone. She was perfect for Emmet but the most surprising thing about her was that her passion was working on cars. Take one look at her and think 'model'. Spend five minutes with her and realize she was much more than a pretty face. She loved to get her hands dirty and wanted nothing more in life than to have her own garage somewhere and work on engines. She also missed her twin brother and her niece. Hence the reason for moving.

We were heading to Sutton-Alpine, Alaska. Population a little over a thousand. Jasper, Rose's brother, and his wife Alice and their five year old daughter lived there. From what I had been told it was about an hour outside of Anchorage. There was a bar and a small grocery store and a post office…. That's it. Rose and Emmet were going to open a garage/parts store and Emmet had begged me to come with them and open a small practice of my own. So after many talks and a few arguments, I agreed.

"Hey space cadet we are here. Are you going to come in the house and meet everyone or are you going to sleep in the car?" Emmet asked and for a moment I seriously considered staying in the car.

Rose hadn't told her brother we were moving here. She didn't even tell them we were coming until this morning when we were about four or five hours away. I believe she told her something about being in Anchorage and wanting to come visit later. She wanted it to be a surprise and I fucking hated surprises. So sitting in the car was sounding better and better….

"Man get the fuck out of the car and come on, otherwise I am sending Rose back out to get you and you know she will drag your ass in there if she has to." Did I mention I was kind of scared of Rose…. She didn't take shit from anyone and had no problem with telling you if you were being a complete idiot. I have been told that a time or two by her and I wasn't in the mood to have another moment with her so I got out of the damn car.

I huffed and slammed the door and stalked past Emmet towards the door. He quickly caught up with me and grabbed my arm.

"Listen man I know this is hard for you but you really need to tone it down a few notches."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You look like you are about to go in there and go all Freddy Krueger on their asses. My niece and her friend are in there and I swear I will kick your ass if you scare them by being all broody and bitchy."

I snorted and nodded. "Point taken. Act like fucking Santa Claus."

Emmet smiled and grabbed me by the neck. "No I was thinking the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy but I guess Santa will work."

We walked into the house and I was impressed. It was bigger and more lavish than I was expecting. It looked like it could have come out of one of those fine living magazines. Apparently Alice and Esme would get along well.

"It's 'bout time Uncle Em!" A little girl with coal black hair and blue eyes said ran across the room and flung herself at him. Emmet grabbed her and swung her around in a circle before setting her back on the floor. The little girl giggling.

"Lei Lei I haven't seen you since you were still wearing diapers."

"Uncle Em I was two and I did not wear diapers when I was two." Emmet smiled at the girl then messed her hair.

"OHHH mommy is gonna be mad you messed my hair. If I get yelled at I am so telling her it was you." Emmet chuckled and picked the girl up, giving her a hug. I smiled fondly at my brother. He would make a good father someday.

A small pixie like creature walked into the room and smile at us. "Ok everyone why don't we go sit down in the living room." I doubted she would sit but I followed everyone anyway.

Emmet plopped down on the couch next to another small girl with copper colored hair, similar to mine, and messed her hair up to. The little creature turned and glared at him with emerald green eyes, her eyes flashing. She gave him an annoyed look and in that moment the child reminded me of my Bella. Emmet used to mess with her all the time. Picking on her, messing her hair up, you now typical annoying big brother things, and each time he did it she would give him the same look the little girl was currently giving my brother.

"Ok everyone this is Edward. He is Emmet's younger brother." Rose said breaking into my thoughts. "Edward this is my brother Jasper." I stepped forward and shook his hand. "His wife Alice." I was about to step forward and shake her hand when she flung her arms around my neck and gave me a hug. "You will get used to her." Rose said continuing. "The little one on Emmet's lap is Kailie, my niece."

"Hi! Mr. Edward!" The little girl exclaimed interrupting Rose before getting off Emmet's lap and walking up to me, hand extended. _Looks like her mother and acted like her father_, I thought to myself as I shook her little hand.

"By all means just call me Edward my dear." I said kneeling down to her level and smiling at her.

"K." She replied smiling. "Oh I almost forgot!" She said a few seconds later. "That is my bestest friend Vanessa." The little girl's head shot up and she scowled at Kailie before she got off the couch and walked over to me and Kailie.

She shot her friend a dirty look and then turned her attention to me. "It's Ness or Nessa. Only my mommy gets to call me Vanessa, and that's only when I am in trouble." She held her little hand out and I was impressed with her. She was small but she acted much older. "It is nice to meet you Mr. Edward."

I smiled at the girl and started to tell her the same thing I said to Kailie. "Please call me…"

She interrupted me. "I'm sorry Mr. Edward but mommy says that unless it's family I have to 'member my manners. So I hafta call you Mr. Edward." She said with her chin raise. God she reminded me of Bella.

"Well that's a good thing to remember, your mommy must be very smart." Ness smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Yes she is." She replied.

"Well I am not going to be called Mr. Emmet so you have just become my niece. You call me Uncle Em or Uncle E just like Lei Lei over there. Okay Ness?" Ness looked at Alice questioningly and unsure.

"I am sure your mommy won't mind baby. You call me and Jasper Uncle and Aunt right?" Ness nodded and look satisfied. She looked at Rose and blushed. The same blush Bella…. God get a grip Edward.

"So can I call you Auntie Rose too? Since you are married to my Uncle Em over there?" She said pointing over her shoulder to Emmet who was trying his best not to start laughing.

Rose smiled at the girl, "Of course sweetie I would love for you to call me Auntie Rose." Ness smiled brightly, her smile lighting her whole face up.

"Now girls why don't you go play while we grown ups talk for a while." Jasper said, smiling.

"Can we watch Spongebob?" Kailie and Ness asked at the same time.

Jasper nodded before motioning for me and Rose to take a seat.

"Can I go watch Spongebob with the girls while you talk?" Emmet asked like an excited three year old.

"Oh my god Emmet." Rose said shaking her head laughing. My brother loved Spongebob, go figure.

"You don't need me here to tell them the news. I am going to go spend time with my niece…. Well nieces." He said with a smile before disappearing down the hallway after the giggling girls.

I shook my head right along with Rose and went and sat where Ness had previously been sitting. As soon as I sat, I froze. I smelled Strawberries, but not just any strawberries, Bella strawberries. I hadn't smelled these strawberries in well over five years. The smell was faint but it was there.

I must have zoned out for a while because I was brought back to the world by Rose hitting me in the arm.

"Ouch. What?" I asked still dazed.

"Oh my god you haven't been listening to us have you?"

"Nope sorry Rose, I ahh… I sort of zoned out there for a minute. What did you say?" Rose rolled her eyes.

"I was telling them about the buildings we bought and the houses we were going to look at and about the trip and you just sit there like you have just seen a damn ghost."

I glanced at Alice and Jasper who were sitting across from us and gave them a half smile. "Sorry guys, its been a long drive. Would you mind if I went and watched Spongebob with the rest of the crew?"

"OH of course not. Our house is your house for as long as you like. Just warning you though… I burn water. So if it isn't frozen or prepackaged we eat at Masen's. That's the bar Ness's mom owns. She is a good friend of ours and practically family. Pretty too. Oh I am rambling.. Come on I will show you your room and then you can go play with the kids if you want." I swear the girl didn't even breath once the whole time she talked, but she didn't hesitate as she basically jumped off the couch and grabbed my hand and drug me down the hall and up some stairs.

The second floor was just as impressive as the first, mom seriously would love this girl.

She stopped abruptly in front of a door. "This is your room. You have your own bathroom and the linens are fresh I just changed them this morning." I sort of tuned her out for a moment as I poked my head in. King size bed, dresser, blankets, and a bathroom. Looked good to me. Martha Stewart I was not, so I really didn't care what color the room was painted or if the sheets were Egyptian cotton or if they were just good old Wal-mart brand. It was a place to sleep. Good enough for me.

"…and the paintings are original Native American." Alice finished obviously telling me about the room. She rolled her eyes at my lack of enthusiasm. "Come on I will show you were the "kids" are." She grabbed my hand and drug me down the hall a little further.

About three doors down from mine was Kailie's room. We could hear the girls giggling madly as we opened the door. I took one look at Emmet and burst out laughing.

There sitting in the middle of the floor was my big 'brother'. Kailie was carefully applying eye shadow as Ness was next to him filing his nails. Emmet had a bright pink boa wrapped around his neck and Spongebob stickers on his arms and cheeks. I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it.

"Oh girls look Eddie came to play too!" Emmet said squealing like a little girl. Both girls turn to look at me smiling.

When I turned back around Alice was no where to be seen. "Come on Mr. Edward I want to brush your hair!" I shook my head and walked into the room. Emmet smiled at me and patted the spot next to him. Smirking. Asshole….

I took my spot on the floor and Ness got a brush and started brushing my hair. As soon as she was close to me I smelled the strawberries again.

"So Ness, I hear your mommy owns the bar?" I asked as she began brushing.

"Yep. It's called Masen's Bar and Grill. Sometimes mommy let me help. I can hand out menus and sometimes she lets me take orders if we aren't busy." I peeked at her and she was smiling broadly.

"What does your daddy do?" I watched as her face fell and she looked confused.

"I don't know." She said quietly, biting her lip softly.

"Where is your daddy?" I asked softly not wanting to scare her but there was just something about this little creature that reminded me of Bella and it made me extremely curious.

Her brow furrowed and she was shaking her head, "I don't know…"

I tried to change the subject because she looked so scared and sad. "What about your grandpa and grandpa?"

"Who are they?" Ness asked me looking completely confused.

"You know like your mommy's mom and dad." I tried to explain.

"I don't know that either… but I have a Nana Liz and her 'sband is in heaven." She then set the brush down and walked over to sit in front of the TV to watch Spongebob.

"Ness I didn't mean to make you upset. Are you ok?" I glanced at Emmet who shrugged his shoulders. I didn't think my line of questioning was out of line and I was at a loss.

"I'm fine, I just want to watch TV now." With that Ness ignored us. I looked at Emmet, who was looking at Kailie. Kailie was frowning and looking at Ness. She put her stuff on the floor next to Emmet and walked over to where Ness was sitting. She sat down next to her and put her arm around her.

I was just about to apologize again when Alice came back through the door. "Oh my gosh I need my camera!" She broke out laughing when she saw Emmet.

Kailie turn and grinned at her mother. "Don't worry mom we have it covered. But I got the pictures before he made us take off the lipstick."

I saw Emmet's eyes go wide. "How? When?.." he stuttered.

Ness turned around wiping her face, she was smiling now though. "When Kailie told you to close your eyes so she could put the eyeliner on. You made a kissy face and I got the pictures."

"Why you little shits." Emmet finally spit out laughing.

"My daddy says it's always good to have ev'dense. Just in case and Ness is my partner in crime he says." Kailie said proudly.

"I guess she is." Emmet said smiling.

"Girls I want copies of those pictures." I said laughing at the two girls.

"It will cost you." They said at the same time.

"You two have been spending to much time with Jasper." Alice said smiling. "I just wanted to tell you Jasper went to get some pizza's. Don't have a pizza place in town so it will take an hour or so but him and Rose left about fifteen minutes ago. I was going to come make the girls take a bath and get dressed for bed but it looks like you two could clean up a little yourselves."

"Can we have bubbles?" Kailie asked excitedly. Alice nodded and both girls scrambled after Alice.

"So what's with the third degree of a five year old?" Emmet said as he took the boa off.

"What's with dressing in drag for five year olds?" I asked back cocking my head.

"Hey what can I say. I can't say no to a pretty face. Now what's your excuse?" He asked as he tossed the boa on the bed behind him.

I sighed he would bug me until I talked. "I don't know… There is just something familiar about her." I looked at Emmet who was glaring at me.

"Say it."

"Say what Emmet?"

"You know."

"What? That she reminds me of Bella? Is that what you want me to say? Ever since we walked in. The way she walks, her blush, the way she talks, the way she holds herself…."

"She even smells like Bells." Emmet said looking at his feet.

"You see it too?"

"Yeah. She was important to me too Edward. One of these days you are going to have to tell me what happened between you two."

"Yep probably one day I will." I said standing up and starting out the door. "Just not today."

A few hours later the girls were in bed and Jasper suggested we go have a drink. Alice said she was staying home to keep an eye on the girls and get some laundry done. So the rest of us loaded into my car and headed over to the infamous Masen's.

We walked in and I immediately liked the place. It wasn't flashy and it wasn't trashy. It was quaint and homey, it was welcoming and it felt…. It felt perfect.

"MASEN!" Jasper yelled waving his hands towards the bar.

I briefly caught the sight of a head of long brown hair as it ducked under the bar and headed for the door behind the bar. She briefly spoke to the blonde man but I never got a good look at her before she disappeared behind the door, closing it as she went.

We looked at Jasper who had a strange look on his face as he made his way to the bar.

"James where did she go?" He asked leaning against the bar.

"Been a bad day. She has had a few drinks and doesn't feel like company. She says she is sorry and she wants you to have this." He placed a half bottle of Cuervo in front of us and handed us some shot glasses and a bowl of lemons. "She said you deserved a drink for being able to put up with Alice."

"Well she obviously knows Alice well." Rose said smiling at Jasper.

"Yep god bless her. Tell her thanks when you see her James." Jasper grabbed the bottle and Rose grabbed the glasses and Emmet grabbed the lemons and I found us a table.

Jasper claimed to be the designated driver so the rest of us spent the next couple hours polishing off the rest of the tequila.

Eventually we ended up back at the house and we all went to our respective rooms for the night.

It was sometime around 2:00am and we had been in bed around a half hour at the most. I was just about to slip into unconsciousness when I heard her scream.

"NOOOOOOO!" I was awake and running down the hall before I knew what I was doing.

Alice being Alice beat me there and Jasper was close behind me. Alice was holding Ness as she sobbed, begging for her mommy.

I stood there and watched helplessly as she sob about it being green today and how she shouldn't have left her mommy alone and she wanted to go home.

I give it to Alice she tried to calm her down but Ness was in hysterics. Eventually Alice called Ness's mom and quickly explained what was going on. Faster than I thought humanly possible but eventually the phone was handed to Ness.

Ness sobbed into the phone but whatever her mother told her must have worked somewhat because she calmed down a little and handed the phone back to Alice.

"Jasper can bring her home. No he was the designated driver." I turned and walked back to my room.

I flopped back on the bed and I was upset… By what I couldn't place it. So I lay there staring at the ceiling. Then it hit me… I was sad she was leaving.

I felt some kind of connection with the little girl sobbing in the next room and my heart broke for her.

I listened as Alice gathered her things and Jasper carried her from the house. I heard the front door shut and I spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling.

The next day passed in a blur. Mainly because I had only gotten about two hours of sleep, trying to figure out why I felt that this little girl was more than just Kailie's friend.

I was still brooding over it as Alice hurried us around to get ready to go to dinner. Apparently Ness's mom was cooking for us since Jasper brought Ness home so late/early this morning.

All the way over to the Bar I felt excited. I tried to tell myself that it was because I was going to see Ness again but it was more…

I was silent as Jasper drove. We all squeezed into the family SUV and made our way to Masen's. We pulled up in front of the place and I smiled as I climbed out.

Why didn't I know Ness's mother's name? How did I miss that? Why didn't I ask her that last night instead of questioning her about where her dad was.

I was about to ask as Alice danced through the door to the bar. _I guess you will find out shortly anyway_. I thought to my self as the smell hit me.

It smelled like Bella's lasagna. She made it at least once a month for Charlie when she lived at home and we were dating. There were a few times when Emmet still lived at home and Esme had a meeting or something and we would both go over to Bella's to eat with her and her father.

I looked at Emmet and he looked at me. "God that smells familiar…." I heard him mumble. I quickened my pace.

I was right behind Emmet as he walked though the door and froze. I stepped around him and it was all happening in slow motion.

Alice was releasing her from a hug. She looked up and froze. She looked terrified, happy, and sad all at the same time.

I vaguely heard Emmet speak. My eyes were locked with hers.

"Belly is that really you?" I heard him ask and she didn't move but her eyes got wider.

"Isabella Marie! OH MY GOD IT IS YOU!" Then she was obstructed by my view as Emmet ran over and grabbed her. I was frozen, unable to move. Shocked as everything started to fall into place in my head. Then I heard her speak. I heard my angels voice.

"Emmet….can't breath…." She muttered and I instantly knew it was her.

"Opps sorry. I just… I can't believe it's you!" I heard him say as he stepped back from her and I was once again lost in her eyes. I took one step forward, finally letting the door shut behind me. Panic and fear was written all over her beautiful face. She was the same yet different. Either way she was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen or ever will.

"You guys know each other?" I heard Alice say from somewhere across the room.

Her eyes still on me she replied, "You could say that." I watched her unconsciously inch closer to Ness, who was clutching Bella's hand staring between me and her and looking just as terrified as Bella.

"We are practically family!" I heard Emmet say. "Her and Eddie were a hot item back in high school."

I watched as she closed her eyes as Emmet kept speaking, "She disappeared a few days after graduation mom and dad said. No one has heard from her or seen her since." Emmet explained, smiling like he just won the lottery.

Then I watched helplessly as her breathing picked up and she quickly grabbed Ness up in her arms.

"Bella? Are you ok?" I heard someone ask, who I don't know because I was watching as Bella turned and ran. Ducking under the bar and disappearing behind a door. I heard her lock it then dash up the stairs. I heard another door slam and then there was silence.

It seemed like forever before anyone spoke or attempted to move. I ignored them all. God damn it I had finally found her and I didn't want to let her out of my sight. I started towards the door.

"WHOA! Hold it right there pretty boy." Some redheaded woman stepped in front of me placing a hand on my chest stopping me in my tracks. "She obviously doesn't want to talk to you right now."

"I need to talk to her." I said practically begging.

"You can beg all you want but until I get some answers no one is going near Bella or Ness." She pushed me back into a seat. I couldn't talk. All I could do is stare at the door.

I heard Emmet talking explaining things but I didn't care. I sat there staring at the door, hoping she would reappear.

"You, Edward is it? Start talking." The redhead seethed. Emmet must have finished with what he knew.

"I will talk to Bella about it not you." I snapped back.

"Well then pretty boy you are just shit out of luck, because unless Bella comes back down here and wants to hear it…. It's not happening, at least not tonight. I have never seen her more terrified and I will not let you near her unless she says it's ok."

"Maybe we should go… " I heard Alice say.

Red was still staring daggers into me. "Yeah I think that would be best. I will wrap this pan up and you can take it with you." She stalked to the table and snatched the pan and started towards the kitchen. "James if he makes a move towards that door take him down. Only way he moves is out the fucking front door."

Emmet was suddenly next to me, grabbing my arm. "Come on man. Tonight's not the night. You know where she is now, we can come back tomorrow and try to talk to her." I didn't move, I wanted to see her one more time…

"Listen man," I heard James say. "I don't know what is going on, not in the least but I have a pretty good idea. I know that that woman up there," He pointed towards the door. "Her biggest fear is losing her daughter and I have a feeling you are responsible for that. I also know that if you try and do something stupid right now my wife will kill you. I think it would be best if you just waited outside." Emmet grabbed my arm and drug me out the door as Red walked back in the room.

Everyone followed us out and began loading into the SUV. Once Kailie was in the car and I was about to climb in I heard Red speak once again.

"Pretty boy! I just want to make it perfectly clear to you. If you hurt her again, whether you mean to or not, if you even blink and she doesn't like it. I will kill you. Call that a threat, shit if you want to call the fucking cops, I don't give a fuck.. But it's not a fucking threat. It's a fucking promise."

With that she turned around and grabbed James's arm and they disappeared back in the bar.

I quietly climbed into the car and shut the door. I glanced at Emmet and found him glaring at me. Glaring daggers.

"When we get back to the house Edward Anthony Cullen, So help me god, you will tell me what the fuck happened between you and Bella." I did the only thing I could do. I nodded and looked out the window back at the building that held Bella.

_I will walk through hell and back my love but now that I have found you I won't walk away from you again and I won't let you walk away from me. _I swore to myself and sent a silent prayer for help to whoever was listening. Then sat back and awaited the Spanish inquisition.

_**There'd be nothing I wouldn't do for you **_

_**(If I could turn back) **_

_**Forever honest and true to you **_

_**(If I could turn back) **_

_**If you accept me back in your heart, I love you **_

_**(If I could turn back the hands) **_

_**(If I could turn back) **_

_**That would be my will **_

_**(If I could turn back) **_

_**Darlin' I'm begging you to take me by the hands **_

_**(If I could turn back the hands) **_

_**I'm going down, yes I am **_

_**(If I could turn back) **_

_**Down on my bended knee, yeah **_

_**(If I could turn back) **_

_**And I'm gonna be right there until you return to me **_

_**(If I could turn back the hands) **_

_**(If I could turn back) **_

_**If I could just turn back that little clock on the wall **_

_**(If I could turn back) **_

_**Then I'd come to realize how much I love you **_

_**Love you love you love you **_

_**(If I could turn back the hands) **_

**If I Could turn back the hands of time by R. Kelly**

* * *

A/N

OK sorry I didn't have this up sooner but I found it harder to write than I thought it would be. I have written this chapter six different ways and I hope you sort of understand some of Edward now.

Yes I know I left out what Edward and his parent were arguing about, that will come out later.

Questions? Comment? Please leave me a message. I really do read each and every one and I try to respond. I also save them all like the crack head that I am! Lol

Like usual I will link the song on my profile!

Thanks for reading!

T


	7. I'm Not Ready to Make Nice

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS but I own my own twisted imagination, I think…

_**Forgive, sounds good **_

_**Forget, I'm not sure I could **_

_**They say time heals everything **_

_**But I'm still waiting **_

_**I'm through with doubt **_

_**There's nothing left for me to figure out **_

_**I paid my price **_

_**And I'll keep paying **_

_**I'm Not ready to make nice **_

_**I'm not ready to back down **_

_**I'm still mad as hell and **_

_**I don't have time to go round and round and round**_

_**It's too late to make it right**_

_**I probably wouldn't if I could **_

_**Cause I'm mad as hell **_

_**Can't bring myself to do what it is you think **_

_**I should I know you said **_

_**Can't you just get over it **_

_**It turned my whole world around **_

_**And I kind of like it **_

_I'm Not Ready to Make Nice by Dixie Chicks_

As soon as Ness disappeared down the hall and into her room I collapsed on the floor, my back against the door. I dropped my head to my hands trying desperately trying to sort out just what the fuck was happening.

My mind was spinning and so was my head. This couldn't be happening. Why was this happening? Why was he here? More importantly now that he was here.. What the fuck am I going to do now? Do I run? Do I stay?

I fisted my hair and pulled trying to concentrate. I had to protect Ness. That was my priority but I loved my life here and I didn't know if running was really going to solve anything, but can I risk it? Can I take the chance that he will try and take my daughter from me…

"He won't get the chance. He tries… we disappear. But I'll be damned if he destroys my life again." I said out loud and to myself. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was still trying to calm myself down so I could breath normally.

But how do I explain things to everyone? Better yet, if I explain things to anybody, who do I tell and what? How was I going to explain being a completely different person to the people I have come to love and trust. Who can I trust now? I was fairly sure Alice and Jasper were still on my side but they had the enemy in their house….

The enemy… is that what he was now? The man I loved and still love on many levels is now the enemy. There was no doubt about that in my mind and I resigned myself to believe it. I couldn't trust him… I wouldn't trust him, I have no reason to anymore. He destroyed every ounce of respect and trust I had in him. He could go to hell as far as I am concerned and its about fucking time I stop running and face the facts.

He would NEVER get Ness. I would leave it up to Ness if she wanted some kind of relationship with the man. If she did I would try to let her have that, but I would be damned if he took her from me. He wasn't named on her birth certificate, he could take me to court if he wanted to and have a DNA test but I guaranfuckingtee that before the results were back we wouldn't be anywhere he could get her.

I took a few deep calming breaths and tried to calm myself down. It didn't help much but it stopped the my mind from reeling. I sat there on the floor for what felt like hours but it couldn't have been more than a few minutes.

I could hear muffled voices through the door, I couldn't make out any specific voices but knowing he was down there made my heart race and my chest clench. All the pain I had felt and tried to push away for the last five years was now brought right back to the surface. I couldn't breath.

I heard more voices, some getting louder as I heard the front door slam. I had no idea what was going on but I was really hoping that everyone was leaving.

A couple more minutes passed. I tried to concentrate on taking deep breaths. I was brought out of my panic by Ness.

"Mommy? Are you ok?"

I lifted my head out of my hands, wiping the tears from my face, to look at my daughter. How the hell to I explain this to her? What do I tell her? Better yet how much do I tell her? I know she has the right to know what is happening to an extent but I just couldn't bring myself to believe it was appropriate for a five year old to know all the details. As much as I would like to keep her away from him forever, he was her father and if some day Ness wanted a relationship with him… that would have to be her choice… Not mine. As far as I was concerned, to me, he died five years ago…. But that wasn't entirely fair to Ness.

My mind continued spinning and I couldn't form a coherent thought so instead of answering Ness, I just held my arms out to her. She ran to me and climbed into my lap, clinging to me. I did the only thing I could do at that moment… I held my baby. I clung to her like she clung to me. Both of us sobbing uncontrollably. I knew I should try to calm down for her but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I held her like my life depended on it, in some ways it did, and I cried right along with her.

I rocked us gently and tried to calm her but how do you calm someone when you can't calm yourself? So instead we sat there… my back still pressed against the door and cried until neither one of us had tears left to cry. When the tears ran dry we sat there in silence. Ness had her head laid against my chest and her arms wrapped around my neck, her hold on my neck slowly relaxing.

"Mommy…" I heard her mumble after a few moments of silence.

I took a deep breath before I answered, my voice cracked, "Yeah baby?"

"Mr. Edward is my daddy isn't he…" I bit my cheek hard, willing myself not to lose it again. I took a couple shaky breaths before I felt like I was able to answer. My daughter was apparently more observant than I gave her credit for. "Yes baby, he is."

"Is he going to take me away from you?" Her voice wavered and I knew she was more scared than anything.

I pulled her back and took her face into my hands, looking into her eyes. "Angel I promise you he will never take you away from me. NEVER." I kissed her forehead and wiped the tears from her cheeks, then laid my forehead against hers.

"Why is he here now mommy?" She asked in a whisper, almost so low I couldn't hear her.

"I don't know baby, but until mommy figures that out you have to promise me something." She looked at me expectantly. "If he comes into the bar, you don't say anything to him yet. You just find mommy and tell her he is here then you come upstairs. No arguing. Please?"

"I promise but will he hurt you mommy?"

_No more than he has already_…. "No baby. I don't think he will besides Aunt Vicky and Uncle James won't let him. But until I figure out what is going on I just need you to stay away from him. Ok?" She nodded in agreement and I heard her stomach growl. I chuckled and kissed her forehead again. "Are you hungry baby?"

She smiled softly and nodded. I smiled at her trying to reassure her. "Ok sweetie. Stay here for a minute and I will go down and get us something to eat." She nodded in agreement and slowly climbed out of my lap and I stood.

I unlatched the door and slowly made my way downstairs. I unchained the door to the bar and unlocked it, before slowly pushing the door open and peaking out into the dining area.

Suddenly the door was pulled back and I felt someone grab me. I screamed and for a moment I panicked, until I saw the red, curly hair in my face. "God damn it Vicky! I think I just pissed my pants!" I gasped as she pulled me to her and hugged me tightly as James came up behind me and wrapped his arms around the both of us.

Vicky snickered. "Sorry Bells." She said before pulling me back to look at me. "I made them leave." I was released from the 'Bella sandwich' as they both stepped back from me allowing me to breath.

"MOMMY? Are you ok?" I heard Ness sob from upstairs.

"Yes baby. It's ok come on down." I was going to just take something upstairs to her but Vicky had set the table for the four of us.

"Bells, we don't know what is going on…" James started and I turned to look at him. He grabbed my shoulders when I was facing him. "But we both want you to know that we have YOUR back. There is nothing we won't do to help you. We don't care what happened before you came here, we love you Bells, and Ness. We will help you in any way we can. Just let us know."

"I…"

"No Bells." Interrupted Vicky before I could start to talk. "We have always known there were things you haven't told us. We don't care. You have your reasons and we respect that. We love you Bells and that one." She said smiling and pointing to Ness who had wrapped herself around my leg. "Now let's eat!"

With that we made our way to the table and ate in virtual silence.

When we were finished Ness came over and climbed into my lap. I stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head as she yawned.

"Bells we will clean this us. Take her up and go to bed." Vicky said, smiling softly.

"Ness go pick out some jammies and I will get your bath ready." I said as I stood and set her on the floor.

"Ok mommy." She replied before taking off towards the stairs, I followed her slowly.

"Bells?" I heard Vicky say and I stopped and turned around to look at her. "You don't have to answer but can I ask one thing?" I nodded and she continued. "Is he her father?"

I felt the tears spring back into my eyes and I swallowed loudly, willing the tears to stay away. "Yes… he is. I.. it's a long story."

"It's also one that can wait for now. I just wanted an idea of what we were facing." She quickly jogged over to me and hugged me to her briefly. "We're here for you babe. Never doubt that. Now scoot." She said swatting my ass and pushing me gently towards the door.

"I love you guys." I said as I turned and headed up the stairs. Pulling the door behind me.

"We love you too." I heard as the door clicked shut.

The rest of the night was uneventful. Ness took a bath and when she was done I took a quick shower before we ended up curled up together watching TV in my bed until we both fell asleep.

The next day was Sunday. The one day the Bar wasn't open. Ness and I spent half the day lounging around the house. The phone had started ringing around noon and after looking at the caller ID, I just ignored it. Hale, Jasper. I was fairly positive it was just Alice but I wasn't taking the chance. Plus I just wasn't ready to deal with her and the people that were staying with her. After the phone ringing for almost fifteen minutes straight I ended up unplugging it.

The rest of the day was spent peacefully. Ness was basically attached to my leg. So when I told her I was going downstairs to fill out some paperwork I wasn't surprised she followed me down. She played and watched TV while I worked.

Around five Vicky walked in the door. "Hey ladies!" She said as she walked over to the table I was sitting at filling out invoices and order forms on my laptop.

"Hi Auntie Vicky!" Ness said over her shoulder from her perch on the stool in front of the TV. She was playing with a couple Barbie's and watching Spongebob, she waved a little then turned her attention back to her show.

Vicky chuckled at her and came and sat down in front of me. "So boss." She said smiling. "Tomorrow I was thinking about heading to Anchorage to get some supplies we need for the kitchen." This was a normal thing. Once a month she or I would head over and order what we needed. If we needed anything in between or if it looked like the weather was going to get really bad that we wouldn't make it out for a while, I would call and place the order. But if we could, it was nice to have one of us see what we were going to get before we got it. Our suppliers were reliable but Vicky especially liked to see what they had to offer. She would then plan her menus for the next month or so.

"Ok. Sounds good. You need anything from me?" She had a Visa that was attached to the bar's account so she could pay.

"Nope. James is going to cook like normal. So you will have to man the bar if that's ok. I talked to Jane earlier and she said if we needed help tomorrow you could just call her and she would come in."

"Monday's are fairly slow during the day and you should be back by the time we have to worry about the dinner rush, so we should be ok." I said, leaning back against my chair looking at her.

"Yeah I figured but I just wanted you covered just in case." She replied shaking it off. Vicky worried every month. She hated to leave James and I high and dry. "I was thinking though." She leaned forward on her elbows looking at me.

I quirked an eyebrow at her, questioningly. "That's a scary thought." I quipped.

"Fuck you B." She replies with a smile before flipping me off and continuing. "I was wondering if you would mind if I took Ness with me. We could have lunch together and she could keep me company." She leaned closer to me and continued. "Plus I figured the odds of the asshole showing up here tomorrow are pretty good and I thought it might help you knowing Ness wasn't here, when he does show his face."

I hadn't thought about it but it honestly did make me feel better. Ness would be safe and if I lost it she would be here to see it.

"James will be here and he won't let him bother you. He said he would happily kick his ass if you wanted him to." She said chuckling. James wasn't really a fighter, he mainly left that to Vicky, who seemed to enjoy it, but when James had to… he was a force to be reckoned with.

I sat there for a moment thinking about it before I answered her. "I think that would be a good idea. If Ness wants to go I have no problem with that." I turned my head to look at Ness. "Ness you want to go with Aunt Vicky tomorrow?"

Ness turned around on her stool to look at me. "Where we going?" She asked with a smile.

"Well my dear," Vicky began, "I have to go into Anchorage tomorrow to order some stuff and I was hoping you would keep me company. We can go to lunch where ever you want then get ice cream before we head back."

"Really? Is it ok mommy?" She asked excitedly.

I smiled at her, silently glad she was excited about going. "It's fine with me baby. If you want to go you can."

Ness jumped off the stool and ran over and gave me hug, before running over to Vicky and jumping in her lap and talking about their trip.

Ness and I cuddled until she fell asleep. I fell asleep for a while but sometime around three am my nerves got the best of me. I couldn't sleep, I felt like every nerve in my body was trying to fire and I was restless. I tossed and turned for a while before finally giving up and getting out of bed. I paused momentarily making sure Ness was tucked in and switched the TV back on so if she woke up she would know I was downstairs.

I quickly pulled on my customary jeans and tee before slipping on a pair of socks and sliding my feet into my sneakers. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun then headed downstairs.

The kitchen was clean, as was the dining area, so I decided to work on the prep work for the day. So I busied myself with chopping veggies and mixing up a huge pot of beef stew we could serve at lunch. Once the stew was on to simmer I mopped the floors in the kitchen and in the bar/dining area, then wiped all the counters down in the kitchen. I was almost done scrubbing the bar down when Ness came down the stairs.

Her hair was sticking up in a million directions and she was rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Morning Mommy." She said sleepily as she walked into the room. She walked over to where I was working and gave me a hug.

I glanced at the clock and discovered it was almost seven. James and Vicky would be here soon.

"What do you want for breakfast Ness?"

"I already ate a bowl of cereal upstairs. I just wanted to say morning to you before I got dressed." I smiled at her then bent down to give her a proper hug.

"Well sweets go get dressed and if you bring me a brush and a hair tie I will braid your hair for you." She smiled at me again, gave me another hug then rain up the stairs to go get ready.

I went into the kitchen and started the coffee. I was in the middle of filling the ice cooler behind the bar when James and Vicky walked in.

"Well good morning sunshine." James said smiling. "You look like you have been busy. Once again I am going to get high off of bleach and pine sol." He walked up to me and took the bucket out of my hands and disappeared into the kitchen to refill it.

"Yeah plus all the prep work is done for breakfast and lunch. I figured if we got slow we could start working on dinner prep." I said as Vicky pulled me over to a table and made me sit down.

"You didn't sleep much last night did you?" She asked placing her hands on her hips.

"No…. I got a couple hours if I am lucky but I have been up since three."

"Stay." She said sternly. "I will get us a cup of coffee." She walked into the kitchen as Ness came back down the stairs wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a pink tee. She had her Spongebob tennis shoes on and was carrying her hair brush and a couple hair ties.

"Mommy I don't wanna braid. I want piggy tails." She said handing me the brush and standing in front of me.

"Your wish is my command sweets." I said as I began brushing through her coppery mess.

"Morning Ness! Are you ready to go shopping?" Vicky asked her as she came back in the room carrying three cups of coffee, James followed her with the last bucket of ice.

"Yeah! Are we taking your car or mommy's truck?" She asked excitedly.

"I think we better take the truck. More room in the back for our loot." She said with a smile, setting the cups of coffee on the table then sitting down. James dumped the bucket of ice, closed the lid, then joined us.

I made quick work of Ness's hair, dividing it into two chunks and pulling it up into the hair ties. "Here go put this where it belongs and get mommy's keys out of her purse." Ness nodded, taking the hair brush from me, then running towards the stairs. "Walk, Ness I don't want to make a trip to the hospital this early in the day."

"I'm not you mommy. I can walk and chew gum and not trip over flat surfaces."

"I don't care missy. Let's not push our luck." She huffed then slowed to a brisk walk, but I'm fairly sure that as soon as she was out of eyesight she was running again.

Vicky, James, and I sat there drinking our coffee chatting while Ness finished getting ready. Moments later she reappeared and announced she was ready to go. She gave James and I a hug then walked out with Vicky.

I got up and followed them out. I flipped the closed sign around to open, waved goodbye, then went back to sit down by James.

"So you want to talk about it?" He asked after I settled back into my chair.

"Talk about what?"

"Why you couldn't sleep last night."

"I honestly don't know. I just couldn't get comfortable. Every time I closed my eyes I saw him…." I gazed off towards the door and the big windows in front, trying with all my might not to break down.

"So he is Ness's dad?" I couldn't answer. So I just nodded my head. "Does he know about her?"

I bit my lip and continued to look out the window, not making eye contact while answering. "No but I'm pretty sure he knows now." I said more to myself than to him. I took a deep breath and turned to look at him. "Listen I know it's not fair but right now all I can say in my own defense is this…. We dated for over a year. I finally agreed to have sex with him… and only because I thought we were going to be together forever. No sooner than the deed was done he changed. Stopped calling… Long story short… we had some words and he left. A couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I kept it a secret. After I graduated I left town and somehow I wound up here…. The rest they say is history. Until he shows up here last night out of nowhere…."

"Now your worried he is going to try to take Ness away." He finished for me placing his hand on mine. "You know he can't do that right?"

"Yeah I know but that doesn't make it any easier. But mark my words James…. I love you and Vicky. Ness and I both do. But if I get even a hint that he is going to press me about getting rights…. We will disappear. He will NOT take my baby away from me."

"Do you think he will try something?"

"Honestly I don't know. The man I knew as Edward and the man that IS Edward are two different beings. His family has money, LOTS of money. I wouldn't stand a chance. Part of me wants to just leave now before he gets to many ideas…. But I am sick of running." I wiped the tears from my cheeks angrily. "I left EVERYTHING when I left Forks. I left my father, my mother, my friends…. I walked away so I could reassure myself that no one would try to take Ness from me. Not his family or anyone else. I didn't want pity then… and I sure as hell don't want pity now."

"I don't pity you and I am sure Vicky doesn't pity you. If anything Bells we are in awe of you." He wiped the tears from my cheek before continuing. "YOU have raised a beautiful, intelligent, independent daughter. You have carried so much and still you continue to fight…. When most people would have given up. Let's just take one day at a time and see where it leads… If it starts to look suspicious we will help you disappear…. But call me crazy but I just have this feeling that it won't be necessary."

"Well for the sake of my sanity and my daughters… I hope your right."

We chatted for a little while longer until the first couple customers came in. Then James disappeared into the kitchen and I was left doing everything else. Thankfully it was Monday and it was relatively slow and before I knew it, it was lunch time.

James was in the kitchen prepping for the dinner rush while I sat behind the bar prepping lemons and limes for bar service. I had told him I would help him but he said since I had breakfast and lunch set up for him the least he could do was get dinner ready for Vicky.

So there I sat cutting up a couple dozen each of lemons and lime when they came in.

I didn't even hear her come in the door until she was yelling at me.

"Bella Masen! I tried to call you all day yesterday." "Sorry Alice, I unplugged the phone. Didn't feel like talking." I knew she wasn't alone but I ignored them the best I could and tried to concentrate on my limes.

"You could have called me back today you know…."

"Listen Alice… I …." That's when I made the mistake of looking up. Alice, Emmet, Rose, Kailie, and Edward were all standing in my doorway staring at me.

I was stunned for a moment, gazing into the emerald orbs that caused so much pain before I regained my equilibrium and figured I was better than him. Just because he was there didn't mean I had to talk to his ass.

"You know what never mind Alice… Take a seat anywhere I will be right with you." I finished the last lime as they took a table close to the bar. Kailie ignored everyone else and ran over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Auntie Bella. I love you" She whispered and I smiled at her. "Is Ness here?"

"I love you too sweetie and no Ness isn't home. She went to the store with Vicky." I said ducking us under the bar, grabbing menus as we went.

"Oh ok." Kailie replied sullenly before climbing in the chair in between Alice and Emmet.

"So Vicky isn't here Alice so you know the drill. Half menu, sandwiches only, plus I made a pot of Beef stew this morning. Vicky should be back before you need to worry about dinner." I kept eye contact with Alice as I walked around the table handing out menus. I didn't pause by anyone until I came to Rose.

"I think you are the only one I don't know. I'm Bella. Your Rosalie, Jasper's sister? I have heard a lot about you." I plastered on my big old fake smile.

"Nice to meet you Bella. Please call me Rose. I have heard a lot about you too." She smiled a true smile. Slightly apologetic if anything.

I had managed to give everyone a menu and I was back behind Kailie's chair. "So what can I get everyone to drink? No alcohol is served until six but other than that we have all the usual suspects."

"Aww come on Bells it hasn't been that long. You know what I drink along with…" Emmet started to whine.

"Fine I need two cokes, one diet, a chocolate milk for the little lady, and what would you like Rose." I cut him off. I was in no mood for games today.

"Diet would be fine." Rose answered quickly and I spun around, ducking under the bar to fill the drinks.

"I want extra chocolate please!" Kailie called after me and I had to smile. She and Ness loved their chocolate milk.

"Of course my dear!" I answered not bothering to look up. I quickly fixed two cokes and two diet cokes and took them to the table. I set them down in front of each respective person. "Is everyone ready to order? Or should I go get Kailie's chocolate milk first."

I could feel both his eyes and Emmet's eyes on me, every move I made. "No I think we are ready. I think we will all have a bowl of stew and a turkey sandwich." Emmet said and I nodded, not bothering to look at him.

I looked at Kailie. "What about you sweetie. I'm pretty sure we can convince James to make you a big basket of chicken fingers and French fries." She smiled broadly at me and nodded.

Without another word I turned and practically ran to the kitchen to get away from prying eyes.

When I finally shut the door to the kitchen behind me I felt like I had just ran a marathon. I wrapped my arms around my chest and tried to take some deep breaths. James looked up from his work and smiled knowingly at me.

He walked over to me and squeezed my shoulder gently then took the order form from me and started getting everything together. I took a few moments to myself, trying desperately to hold it together. Failing miserably.

"Want me to kick them out?" James asked while dragging together the ingredients to make the sandwiches.

"No I'll be ok. If they are going to be living in this town, I either have to get used to it or leave. I'm not ready to leave so I guess I have to get used to it."

I busied myself making Kailie's milk. When I finished that James said he would bring the order out when he was done. So I squared my shoulders, held my head high and walked back out into the dining room.

I walked up behind Kailie and set her milk in front of her. "Extra chocolate, just how you like it." I said and kissed the top of her head. "James will bring your order out in just a few minutes." With that said I turned around and went back to the bar, determined to ignore my patrons.

I got a few more lemons out of the cooler and cut them up. I refilled the olive and cherry containers. I was hauling out my second load of clean glasses when James came out of the kitchen with the order.

Kailie ate quickly like normal. Only eating half of what James had fixed her, Emmet offered to finish it. I was putting glasses away when I heard her get out of her seat and whisper something to Alice. Alice nodded to her and she walked over to me.

"Auntie Bella?"

"Yeah sweets? What can I do for you?"

"Can I stay overnight with you and Ness?"

"Ness isn't here sweetie and I am not sure when she will get back."

"That's ok. I can wait with you if it's ok? I will go watch TV or something. PLEASE BELLA?" She gave me that pout and I was done for.

I sighed. "If it's ok with your mom then its ok with me."

"She already said yes." She replied bouncing in excitement.

"Well you can go up if you want to. But you know the rules missy. Stay out of the kitchen and stay out of my room." Last time I let the girls play in my room every piece of my clothing was out of my closet and dresser. It took me two days to get everything put back the way it was and it only took them fifteen minutes to make the mess. Ever since then if it was the two of them they weren't allowed in my room unless I was with them.

"I know!" She screeched then disappeared up the stairs. I walked to the door to make sure she made it up ok. I walked back to the bar and switched the baby monitor on that I kept downstairs so I could hear what she was doing, attached it to my pants then went back to unloading the glasses.

"You don't have to keep her you know." Alice said as she walked up to the bar.

"I know but it will keep Ness occupied when she gets home. Plus I love Kailie and she is welcome here whenever she wants."

Alice smiled warmly at me. "As long as you are sure. I will probably go to Rose and Emmet's new house and help them put stuff away."

"House?"

I watch with horror as the rest of Alice's guest joined her at the bar, lunch obviously done.

Rose answered me. "Yeah Emmet and I bought the house next to Alice and Jasper. Edward bought the house next to the bar." I dropped a glass but thankfully it didn't break.

Why was Edward buying the house next door to Ness and I? I could think of a few other places in town that would have been a better choice. Or at least further away from us…

"It's right across from the office space I bought for the clinic." I heard him say as if he read my mind. It was the first time I could remember him speaking since that day in the woods.

Did you listen to what he said dumb ass. You are worrying he is going to try something but he is just worried about being close to his clinic… that made sense. Why are you worrying yourself Bella? He made it clear he didn't want you, what makes you think he has changed his mind and now he wants your pathetic ass? What makes you think he would even want anything to do with you or Ness? Remember Bella he isn't the man you thought he was… I meant nothing to him…. Nothing more than a fuck…

I stood there numb and trying to think and failing miserably. Mentally kicking myself over believing even for a moment that maybe he had changed.

"Bella…" I heard him say and I looked up and for a moment I was lost in his eyes again. The same way I was always lost before life got so complicated…. Before he made it clear I meant nothing to him. I shook my head and looked away. "Can we talk?" I heard him say and when I took the chance to glance back up I saw longing in his eyes. I wasn't getting sucked in again.

"No." I replied before stacking shot glasses up and putting them away.

"Bella. We need to talk." I don't know what it was about the tone of his voice but I snapped.

"**WE **don't need to do a god damn thing." I snapped at him. Slamming the last stack of shot glasses in place.

"Bella, please I need…"

"You NEED? You NEED?" I shrieked. "I don't give two shits what you need Edward Cullen. You got what you needed from me remember?" I was shaking I was so pissed off.

"What is she talking about Edward?" I heard Emmet ask. Edward looked hurt but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"What he didn't tell you Emmet? He didn't tell you that I meant nothing more to him than a, and I quote, 'Good Fuck' and his only regret between us he had was how long it took for him to get it." I heard them all gasp and Edward's head dropped to look at the bar. His fists clenched and I watched the muscles twitch in his forearms. But he didn't say anything.

"Did you really say that to her Edward?" I heard Emmet practically growl. Edward's silence was his answer. "After all the bullshit and crying I listened to… it was your stupid ass?" He glared at Edward. I looked at Emmet an visibly watched his eyes light up. "Is she his?" He turned and looked at me. His face soft, clearly understanding.

I couldn't find my voice. I was torn between wanting to say yes but still scared that if I admitted it, they would try to take her from me. Emmet must have seen the fear in my eyes and with that he had his answer.

"OH MY GOD! She fucking is. So how long after he left did you find out."

"Two weeks." I mumbled. Mentally trying to figure out how fast I could get out of town with Ness and where the hell I was going to go. My heart hammered in my chest, and my breathing hitched.

"So **THAT's** why you avoided mom and dad? Why you wouldn't answer their calls? Graduation… Why you disappeared. Why didn't you just tell them Bells? They would have helped you." He asked as he ducked under the bar and wrapped his arms around me. I started crying.

"I was scared. I had already lost him…. I wasn't going to give up my baby." I managed between sobs.

"Did you think they would take her from you? That they would let Edward? Bells…"

"That's silly Bella." I heard Edward say and I saw fucking red I pushed away from Emmet and turned to face the douche bag.

"You know what Edward Cullen? FUCK YOU! Don't you sit there acting like you have any right to tell me my feelings are 'silly'. Shit don't act like you have the right to say ANYTHING to me for that matter! You can go to hell. Don't come back in here after five fucking years and try to tell me how to feel. Because you lost that fucking right a long time ago. The day you told me I meant nothing to you, it destroyed me Edward and no fucking excuse you can come up with will take that hurt away! I don't fucking need your pity and I don't need your fucking help. She is MY daughter. MINE! You have NO fucking rights to her what so ever. You'll NEVER FUCKING TAKE HER FROM ME! DO YOU HEAR ME? OVER MY FUCKING DEAD BODY WILL YOU HURT ME OR MY DAUGHTER EVER AGAIN!" I was so pissed I was screaming at him and shaking.

"I would never try to take her from you Bella! Please love just give me a chance to explain!"

"I don't want to hear it. I don't want excuses. I don't want to hear your bullshit. I'm done with it. I'm done hurting over this shit! I fell for your bullshit once and I'll be damned if I fall for it again. You made your choice and now I am making mine. I will not allow you to hurt me anymore Edward Cullen." I ducked under the bar and started towards the kitchen where James was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest.

I was almost to James when I felt him grab my wrist. I knew it was him. His touch still sent shockwaves up my arms. "Bella wait! Please just give me…" I didn't give him the chance to finish. When he spun me around to face him I came around swinging. I connected with his jaw and he let go of my arm, staggering back.

My hand instantly hurt, but I felt strangely satisfied. He just looked shocked. I turned back around and walked past James into the sanctuary of the kitchen.

I walked over to the counter and slammed my fists down. Wincing as I felt the pain from my right hand shoot up my arm. But I welcomed the pain. The pain made it real. I had just punched the shit out of Edward Cullen. I smiled to myself because damn it….It felt good.

I stood there for a moment trying to calm down and regain my composer. I heard the kitchen door open and I looked up. It was Alice.

"Would you like me to take Kailie home with me? I fully understand…"

"No Alice it's fine. She will give Ness someone to play with tonight. I don't think I will be very good company for her."

"Are you sure?" She said coming the rest of the way in the kitchen and walking over to me.

"I'm positive Alice. Vicky and Ness should be home in an hour or so and then the girls can play."

"I will bring her some clothes by later then." She turned to leave when I nodded in agreement. She was almost back to the door when she paused. "Bells?"

"Yeah Alice?"

"Did he really say that to you?"

"If you don't believe me… ask him."

"I believe you Bells. I just can't… Ugh what a douche!" I chuckled at the look on her face. She smiled at me. "Ok I am going to get out of here and take the rest of this… out. If you need me for anything Bells please just call." I nodded again and she was gone.

I was once again left with my thoughts but this time I just started laughing.

I Bella Swan/Masen… Just punched Edward freaking Cullen in the Jaw… and GOD DID IT FEEL GOOD!

I collapsed onto the floor laughing hysterically.

_**I made my bed and I sleep like a baby **_

_**With no regrets and I don't mind sayin' **_

_**It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her **_

_**Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger **_

_**And how in the world can the words that I said **_

_**Send somebody so over the edge **_

_**That they'd write me a letter **_

_**Sayin' that I better shut up and sing **_

_**Or my life will be over **_

_**I'm not ready to make nice **_

_**I'm not ready to back down **_

_**I'm still mad as hell and **_

_**I don't have time to go round and round and round **_

_**It's too late to make it right **_

_**I probably wouldn't if I could **_

_**Cause I'm mad as hell **_

_**Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should **_

_**I'm not ready to make nice **_

_**I'm not ready to back down**_

_**I'm still mad as hell and **_

_**I don't have time to go round and round and round **_

_**It's too late to make it right **_

_**I probably wouldn't if I could **_

_**Cause I'm mad as hell **_

_**Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should **_

_**Forgive, sounds good **_

_**Forget, I'm not sure I could **_

_**They say time heals everything **_

_**But I'm still waiting **_

_I'm Not Ready to Make Nice by Dixie Chicks_

A/N

I know.. I'm sorry! I got lost for a while in the Trueblood or Southern Vampire section of Fanfic! Edward had to track me down and drag me back… I'm here now… I have had my fix and I hope that Eric doesn't call me back to the dark side any time soon… Other than that I have just been really lazy and dealing with some family issues.

The song for this chapter is I'm Not Ready to Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks and it will be posted on my profile if you want to listen to it.

So what did you think of this chapter? Questions? Comments? Leave me a note and I promise I will get back to you! Plus reviews make me write faster… Until next time!

XOXO,

T


	8. Walking on Broken Glass

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS but I own my own twisted imagination, I think…

* * *

_Walking on, walking on broken glass_

_Walking on, walking on broken glass_

_You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew_

_But I don't care for sugar, honey, if I can't have you_

_Since you've abandoned me_

_My whole life has crashed_

_Won't you pick the pieces up_

_'Cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass_

_Walking on, walking on broken glass_

_Walking on, walking on broken glass_

_The sun's still shining in the deep blue sky_

_But it don't mean nothing to me_

_Oh, let the rain come downLet the wind blow through me_

_I'm living in an empty room_

_With all the windows smashed_

_And I've got so little left to lose_

_That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass_

_**Walking on Broken Glass by Annie Lennox**_

That night the whole group of them came in. Even Edward had the balls to show back up. He was sporting a nice shiner and his jaw looked bruised, but he still showed up. Alice brought some clothes for Kailie and they ate dinner. I took a pizza up to the girls and they ate it while watching the new Spongebob movie Ness had talked Vicky into buying her. Consequently it was the only thing our TV saw for two weeks straight…..I have thought about making it magically disappear for a couple days but Ness never let the damn thing out of her sight… She knew me to well.

The following morning the moving trucks lumbered into town. I stood by the front door before we opened watching the movers unload Edward's piano. I about lost it. I could remember all the hours we used to spend sitting in front of it, he would sit me in front of him and play for me. We would laugh and joke and sometimes it was a little awkward for him to hit some of the keys but we made it work. He even composed a song for me for our one year anniversary…Those were some of the best memories I had from our time together. Those were the times I thought I was truly loved, shit the fucker made me feel cherished… And I was nothing but a joke.

The fucker came in every night, sometime around seven. Sometimes Emmett would be with him, even though they didn't talk much, then sometimes they all came in with him. Either way I would talk to Alice, Jasper, and Kailie if they came in but I did my damnedest to avoid anything and everything "Cullen".

Emmett tried every time I saw him to get me to talk to him. If I had to I would take his order and walk away. I just couldn't believe he was totally clueless in the matters of Edward and I. Edward and him were close and I just couldn't for the life of me convince myself that he had No idea that Edward was just using me. I felt like a joke in their eyes, so I didn't give either of them a reason to make me a joke again. I ignored them like my fucking life depended on it. Besides if my life didn't depend on it… my sanity did.

Rose came in sometimes with Alice and I chose to limit my interactions with her too. Not that I had a problem with her in any way. She seemed to be a genuinely sweet person, and in a way I really did want to get to know her better but unfortunately she was guilty by association. I just couldn't convince myself to open up to her in anyway. I guess I felt that she would just go back and tell Emmet, who would in turn tell the jackass.

I felt like I had lost Alice and Jasper in a way too. I wouldn't let Ness go to their house. Every time she asked if Ness could come over and spend the night with them I panicked. In the back of my mind I knew that they would keep her away from all things Cullen if I wanted but I wasn't taking any chances when it came to her. So we became more and more distant. They still came in almost every night. They still gave me a hug every night and Kailie still called me Auntie Bella. Kailie stayed at our house at least three nights a week… but the bond Alice, Jasper and I had now just felt awkward. I watched what I said around them, I stuck to safe topics, like weather or I had even resorted to talking about some random baseball game that I had watched for like three minutes before Ness turned that damned movie on… again. I swear if I heard about that Pineapple one more freaking time I was going to pull my freaking hair out.

The day after I introduced Edward to my fist, after Alice had picked up Kailie, Ness and I sat down for a little mother daughter talk.

"_Nessa come sit with mommy for a minute." I said to her during our down time in the afternoon. We wandered upstairs and into our chair by the window. She crawled into my lap and laid her head against my chest, gazing out the window as she gently rubbed my bruised knuckles._

"_How did you hurt your hand mommy?"_

I cracked your daddy in the jaw_.. "I tripped and smacked it on something."_

"_Are you ok?" I was pretty sure I cracked a knuckle or at least sprained it pretty good but it was worth it._

"_Mommy is fine. It only hurts a little. Listen baby we need to talk about something." I tried to change the subject but apparently my daughter had other ideas._

"_Did you smack into Mr. Edward? Kailie said you punched him in the jaw." Well shit… I thought she was upstairs… "She said Uncle E gave him a black eye too." Hmm that one was news to me but it did explain the shiner and the bruised jaw…. I guess I was going to get my town gossip from a five year old…._

"_And when did Uncle E give him a black eye?"_

"_After he told Uncle E what you said was true. What did you say?"_

The truth_… "Nothing you need to worry about right now baby…"_

_I was interrupted again. "Do I have to ever talk to Mr. Edward? I mean I know you said he is my daddy but what happens if I don't him to be my daddy?"_

"_Umm well sweetie…. No matter what happens he will always be your father." I paused… torn. "Why wouldn't you want him to be your daddy?" I asked her while gently running my fingers through her thick curls._

"_He makes you cry. I love you mommy. I don't want him to be my daddy if he makes you cry mommy and I know it's him you cry about at night. You cry in your sleep… You say his name…" _

_I felt my chest constrict, I fought back the tears. "I love you too baby." I said kissing the top of her head. "You mean everything to be Ness. I want you to be happy." I lifted her chin so I could look into her eyes. "Baby I… listen. Mr. Edward is your father. There is nothing we can do about that. But you can't let mommy's feeling for him stop you. I am going to leave it up to you. If you want to get to know him, we will work something out. I can tell you what I know if you want…"_

"_Mommy I don't want him. I don't need him. I have you and that's enough." She said wrapping her arms around me and clinging to me. "Please don't send me away."_

"_Nessa! I will NEVER send you away. Baby look at me. I am just saying it's ok if you want to know him. I won't stop you or be mad at you if you want to get to know him. He will never take you from me. EVER. Do you understand me?" I felt her nod as I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. "Baby it doesn't have to be now. It doesn't have to be five years from now. I am just saying that if you want to know him, I will be ok. If there is EVER a time you want to know about him, just tell me and I will do my best to make it happen. Ok?"_

_She nodded again and I held her and rocked. After a while her tears stopped and her grip on me loosened a little and she started winding my hair around her fingers. She has done this since she was born. I think running her fingers through my hair is soothing to her. _

"_Can I ask you something mommy?" She asked softly._

"_Anything Ness."_

"_Do I have to know Mr. Edward to get to know Uncle E?"_

_I chuckled, "Do you like Emmet?" _

"_Uncle E let us put make up on him! He played games with me and Kailie and he LOVES Spongebob!" Well apparently all you needed to do is love Spongebob and your in with my daughter…. _

"_Well baby I will see what I can do." _

"_If he comes in can I talk to him?"_

_I took a deep breath. "Sure."_

"_But if it's ok… if Mr. Edward comes in I'm not talking to him."_

"_You don't have to if you don't want to and if you suddenly feel ready to talk to him let me know…"_

"_I will mommy but don't hold your breath." I laughed and tickled her. She screeched and jumped. She leaned up gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I'm gonna go watch Spongebob again." _

"_Ok angel. Mommy should probably go back downstairs and see if Aunt Vicky and Uncle James are ok." She kissed me again then disappeared to her room. I sat back in my chair for a second and looked out the window. _

_This window faced HIS house and there standing in the window of the house next door staring straight up at me was none other than Edward Cullen. Our eyes met and I scowled, shook my head and got up to go see what Vicky and James were doing, flipping him the bird as I went._

That was two weeks ago. I haven't had a chance to talk to Emmet or Rose and I only see Alice and Jasper at meal times or when they were dropping off Kailie.

Alice could burn water so almost every meal was at the diner. Seriously she is the only person I knew that couldn't microwave Chef Boyardee. After going through three microwaves Jasper begged me to explain to her you **HAVE** to take it out of the can, because she wasn't listening to him.

Since I was still hesitant of letting Ness go to Alice's house, Kailie basically lived at our house. Which was fine with me. It gave Ness someone to play with while I was busy downstairs. A few nights a week she would spend the night at home and on those nights me and Ness spent time together… That is until the proverbial shit hit the fan again.

Wednesday night sometime after midnight Vicky's mom passed away. Vicky's parents lived somewhere in Louisiana, so James and Vicky had to leave first thing on Thursday morning. I told them to take their time and come home when they could. I would manage.

Manage is what I attempted to do. Jane was able to come in and with the help of her friend Bree, they ran the kitchen because neither one had any experience tending bar. They were able to pretty well duplicate what Vicky does.

We did this for a week and half. Vicky and James were stuck in Louisiana dealing with family issues and were hoping to get back sometime with in the next couple weeks but they said it would definitely be before Ness went back to school. Great. Which was almost a month away… I told them there wasn't a rush, that we were doing ok and they didn't have to worry. Yeah I lied through my teeth. I missed them like crazy and I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

My days started at five each morning now and ended somewhere around two am. I had to get all the prep work done so when Jane and Bree came in all they had to do is cook then I ran the dining room and the bar.

Jane and Bree switched off nights helping me with the waiting of tables after the kitchen closed. Each night Edward came in and sat in the corner and watched me work like a stalker. As soon as he would walk in the door Ness would announce she was going upstairs to watch TV then I would sneak upstairs and tuck her in around nine (bathes were given mid afternoon during our slow times). This is how the days went. I was exhausted but I coped.

Even when Alice and Jasper came in, I didn't have time to talk so I would wave and keep going. Emmet and Rose came in a couple times but I was always to busy to talk, and he never came to the bar. I also noticed that if Emmet was there Edward was not and vice versa. Emmet would sit and look at me sadly, almost like he was pouting but never pushed me.

The first Friday without Vicky and James was ruff. I wasn't as fast as James mixing drinks, I could make them, it just took me a little longer. Thankfully most of our customers preferred beer.

Sunday Ness and I spent the day in bed.

If I thought the first Friday was ruff, the following one was HELL. After the lunch rush Bree got sick and had to go home. After the dinner rush we got a call that Jane's husband was sick and by nine Jane was throwing up. So I did the only thing I could…. I sent her home too.

So this is where I am now. Ness was in bed, thankfully. I have spent a week and a half with less than four hours of sleep a night, barely having the time to eat, I was lucky to remember to feed Ness let alone myself. I was exhausted. As soon as Jane ran out the door heading for home I made the announcement that if you wanted a drink you had to come order it yourself, because I didn't have the man power to deliver them.

Edward didn't show up until ten and Emmet and Rose showed up about fifteen minutes later. I didn't even have time to acknowledge them, let alone look up. We hadn't been this busy all summer and everyone was wanting shots or mixed drinks and I was in HELL.

I briefly noticed that Edward had taken his normal seat and when Emmet and Rose walked in they glanced at him then wandered up to the bar. My line had finally died down from rush to trickle, the majority of the people that were there had their drinks and were sitting around talking. I got the occasional refill order and I had just finished filling a large one when I noticed Emmet and Rose sitting at the bar.

I slowly walked over to them, really not wanting to deal with Cullen's right now but shit nothing else was going my way tonight why start now.

I placed my palms on the bar in front of them and leaned down trying desperately to alleviate some of the pain that was in my back and feet. Again no such luck.

"What can I get you guys?" I asked wearily.

"Are you ok Bells? You don't look so hot."

"I'm fine Emmet. Just exhausted." He reached over and placed his hand on mine. I looked up and gave him a small smile before pulling my hand away. "What can I get you two?" I asked again.

"Where is all your help?" Rose asked as they both ordered a beer thankfully.

I snorted, for some reason my lack of help seemed funny at the moment. I blame it on the lack of sleep and food.

"Let's see Vicky's mom passed away last week, so her and James had to go deal with some family things and are hoping to be back by the end of summer and both of the people I had helping me the last week and a half had to go home because they were sick." I chuckled to myself. Really could things get worse? I had to ask.

Emmet was just about to say something else when we heard a loud crash, then yelling. I looked up and saw Caius and Marcus, the town idiots, yelling at each other, my table overturned and glass and beer everywhere. This is where James would have calmly ducked under the bar grabbed each by the back of the neck and tossed them out. What could I do? Well I couldn't reach their necks and I wasn't strong enough to toss them.

"Fuck." I muttered to myself, then reached down and grabbed the bat we kept behind the bar. In a feat that amazed even me I launched myself OVER the bar shoved Caius knocking him on his ass then waving my bat in Marcus's face.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BAR! IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT TAKE IT THE FUCK OUTSIDE!" I screamed at the two idiots. They looked at me like I had just spontaneously sprouted another head, I am normally the quiet one. Vicky screams at them and James calmly grabs each one and throws them out the door, while I call the cops or got out the cleaning supplies to clean up whatever mess was left. Vicky usually loves it when they get stupid like this cause she tends to take out some of her own frustration on them. Like I have said before, Vicky loves a good fight.

"Crazy bitch! Get the fuck out of the way!" Marcus screamed at me then tried to push me out of the way, and then when he noticed I wasn't going to move he raised his hand like he was about to bitch slap my stupid ass. Why in god's name did I get in the middle of this shit? I closed my eyes waiting for the blow that never came.

"Did you seriously just call her a bitch?" I heard Edward growl. He had the hand Marcus was about to hit me with in one hand and the other was around his throat. I was frozen, I couldn't react, I just stared at the man I seriously wanted to kick in the shins, as he defended my honor.

"Dude get the fuck of him!" Was all I heard before I was shoved by Caius hard into the table that they had flipped over. My back connected with the edge as I landed on my ass on the floor in the middle of the beer and glass. How I didn't cut myself I will never know but I knew I was going to have one hell of a bruise tomorrow.

"You stupid son of a bitch!" I heard Emmet boom and so help me all I could think was 'There goes the bar'. I tried to push myself up but there was so much glass and beer I just ended back on my ass in the middle of the mess. So I did what I could. Using my feet I pushed and scrambled to get the hell out of the way. Edward basically stood over me and Emmet was right next to him. After a brief moment trying to get out of the way I gave up. Edward and Emmet just moved with me, hovering, I glanced up to watch Rose grab the bat. I just shook my head and laid still.

There was some more shouting and some scuffling but the next thing I remember seeing was Marcus and Caius seemingly floating past me, the front door being banged open, then two distinct thuds, then the door slamming shut again.

There was a hush over the crowd as I lay there in the middle of everything, covered in beer, I had enough. "Sorry guys I think we are going to be closing down for the night! Everyone OUT!" I said loudly and firmly. As I lay back and draped my arm over my face.

This was it. I couldn't do this shit anymore! I'll lock the god damn place up and GIVE the bitch to James and Vicky. Damn it me and Ness would go to Florida and live with Liz. I'll sit on the god damn beach and watch half naked frat boys drink themselves silly. Paradise.

I heard the shuffling of people leaving, the door open and it stayed open for a few minutes and then closed. I lifted my arm off my head and peaked out. I didn't see anyone. Thank god. I hope they were all gone.

All of them… Emmet, Rose, and Edward included. I didn't want more shit tonight. I just wanted to get out of this mess I was laying in, clean it up, go take a shower, then go to bed… for about a week, then pack my truck up, grab Ness and be out.

I groaned and gently started flipping glass away from me so I could find somewhere I could place my hands and get enough leverage to drag my ass off the floor.

"Don't move. You'll hurt yourself worse." I heard Edward say softly.

_Why? What did I do? Why couldn't they have just left with the rest of the lot? Seriously could the night get worse? God please don't answer that…. _I screamed mentally.

"Geez Bells, I didn't know you had it in you. That was some wicked Jackie Chan shit!" I heard a distinct thump. "Ouch! What I do Rose?" Rose must have smacked him upside the head. Note to self: Tip Rose.

"You want me to call the cops Bells?" I heard Rose ask and I groaned. That was useless. There was only one policeman in four counties. He was at least a hundred years old and was a pompous lazy motherfucker.

Without moving I replied, "There's no point in calling. There was no damage really other than a mess and he wouldn't show up until sometime tomorrow afternoon." I answered as I started to try and get up again.

"You still don't listen do you." I heard Edward chuckle and I swear I wasn't in the mood to deal with his shit right now.

"And your still a bossy jackass!" I snapped back.

I heard Emmet snort and Rose outright laughed.

"Well at least let me help you up." I heard him say as I twisted trying to get to my knees to get up.

"I don't need your fucking help." I mumbled and tried to move away from him. He ignored me of course.

I felt Edward grab me by the arm, I couldn't see him from the angle I had twisted myself into but I knew it was him. I still got that tingling sensation when he touched me. I flinched and tried to pull away from him.

"Just leave me alone Edward. Go home. I'll be fine." I was saying at the same time I was trying to pull away.

"Don't be silly Bella. We want to help you." He replied as he pulled me up so I was standing. I yanked my arm from his grasp and stumbled back a few steps. Thankfully I ran into Emmet and didn't end up back on the floor.

"Whoa there Hong Kong Phooey!" Emmet said as he grabbed my shoulders and steadying me on my feet.

"Fuck you Emmet." I mumbled as I walked to the bar, ducking under and getting a clean bar towel from the pile.

I winced as I wiped down my arm. My arms would be bruised up tomorrow to but thankfully other than a couple scrapes I was ok.

I sank into a chair and continued wiping my arms and face and neck as I looked around my bar. There was glass and beer everywhere. Chairs were over turned from where everyone was scrambling to get out of the way and there was beer and liquor everywhere.

"Let me look." I heard Edward say as he grabbed my arm to look at the scrapes. I tried to snatch my arm back but he didn't let me go this time. "I know how much you can't stand the sight of blood."

I snorted, "Blood doesn't bother me anymore."

He ignored me and grabbed my right arm, twisting it gently to get a better look at it. I tried to pull away but he wasn't having it. "How did you get over that aversion?" He asked, probably trying to distract me.

"I gave birth to MY daughter upstairs. Kind of hard to be scared of blood during that." I spat and yanked my arm from his grasp.

"Bella I.."

"I don't want to hear the shit Edward, just leave. I'll be fine." I said and stood up to grab some stuff and start cleaning the mess up.

"Hold on there slugger." Emmet said grabbing my shoulders. "Where do you think your going?"

"I'm going to clean up this mess. Take a shower, take some Tylenol, then go to bed." I said resisting the urge to stomp on his feet and scream at him.

"Well Bells as much as I would love to respect your wishes and as much as I am also NOT a fan of Edward right now… You need to let him make sure you are ok." I gritted my teeth and tried to pull away. Useless. "This is what's gonna happen, sorry if I piss you off more, but this is what's going to happen. Rose and I are going to start cleaning this shit up. You are going to go take a shower and Edward here is going to go get his bag of doctor crap so he can make sure your ok."

"I am not a child Emmet. I.."

"Listen Bella. That is how it's going to go down. Now we can do this the easy way, where you cooperate, or we can do it the hard way, where you don't, but either way it's going to happen." He gave me the 'I'm not joking around/I mean business' look and I was at a loss.

"Asshole." I mumbled as I was pulled out of the chair and pushed towards the door.

Moments later I was standing in my bathroom under a stream of hot water trying to relax and scrub the foul smell of beer off my skin. I honestly don't know how anyone can drink that stuff. Ugh… Give me hard liquor or it isn't worth my time.

So after a few minutes or scrubbing and after washing my hair at least four times I stepped out and wrapped a towel around me and headed across the hall to my bedroom. I got dressed quickly. Panties, bra, sweat pants, and a t-shirt. I slipped on my slippers grabbed all my dirty clothes, towels, and even my shoes and tossed them in the washing machine, turned it on then headed back downstairs.

I walked back in the bar as I was pulling my hair up into a messy ponytail. I glanced around the bar and was surprised to see Emmett finishing getting the trash together, while Rose was mopping the floors, and Edward was gathering the glasses that were abandoned on the tables as everyone left and carrying them to the kitchen. All the chairs were on the tables and the clean up was just about done.

I was about to tell them they could go on home and that I could finish but just as I was about to open my mouth to speak, Rose noticed me standing there and pointed to one of the bar stools. "Sit." She said then continued mopping the floors.

I rolled my eyes and ducked under and started to make my way to the kitchen to finish loading the dishwasher. I made it a couple steps when I was lifted off the ground and set on a stool.

"I believe my wife gave you an order missy and I know that look she gave you. It wasn't a request, it was an order." Emmett said as he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me daring me to move or say something.

I raised my brow at him. "I am fine you guys. I appreciate the help. Really I do but I am fine. So you can all just go back ho.."

"Not gonna happen baby Bells until Dickhead there says your ok."

"OH Really!" I screeched. "Who died and made you boss? I don't have to listen to you." Not my most mature moment I admit but I was tired, hungry, my back was beginning to throb, and my head hurt. I just wanted to be left alone and Emmett's bully tactics were getting old.

Emmett must have found me entertaining because he began to laugh. LOUDLY. "I… _haha_… haven't…_Hahaha.. _Heard…_snort_… that since high school!" He continued to laugh and I heard Rose chuckle from somewhere behind me. Emmet was now wiping tears from his eyes, from laughing so hard. I could faintly hear Edward chuckle from the kitchen and I was just getting more and more mad.

I know I was being irrational, childish even, but at that moment I couldn't bring myself to care. Here they all were laughing at me while I was hurt and feeling awful bitchy. I was once again the Cullen's big joke. I could just imagine them all getting together and talking about how they fooled that stupid girl from high school. Make it seem like they gave a shit and then as soon as my back was turned they were getting together and laughing at me.

"Listen here you son of a…" I started but never did finish that thought before I heard. "Mommy?" All the air was let out of my sails and I burst into tears.

Ness came under the bar and stood in front of me, placing her hands on her hips. "What's wrong mommy?"

"Nothing angel. I'm fine. Go ahead and go back to bed, I'll be up in a few minutes." She narrowed her eyes at me then turned on Emmett, hands still on her hips.

"Did you make my mommy cry?" Emmett had the decency to look scared for a moment. The look of terror on his face as he looked at my five year old daughter that barely came to his waist, was priceless. I started chuckling to myself.

"I didn't mean to sweetie, mommy said something funny." Ness narrowed her eyes more and poked him in the stomach.

"Tell her your sorry."

Emmett looked from her to me then back at her then back to me before he spoke. "I'm sorry Bella." I nodded to him acknowledging him. "And I am sorry to you to Ness. I'm sorry I made your mommy cry." Emmett knelt down to look her in the face as he said it then held his arms out to her.

Ness looked back at me to see if I was ok before she nodded to him and walked forward and gave him a hug. He picked her up and they were chatting as Edward came back into the room. As soon as Ness saw him she froze and turned in Emmett's arms and reached for me.

Emmett walked her over to me and she crawled into my lap and buried her face in my chest. Her legs wrapped around me and I winced when they hit my back.

"Bella can I please take a look and make sure your ok?" Edward asked softly. Ness pulled back from me a little so she could look me in the face.

"What's wrong with you mommy?"

"Nothing Ness. I fell and hit my back, it's a little sore, but I'll be ok." She ignored me and looked back at Edward.

"Make sure she is ok." She said as she slid off my lap and onto the stool next to me, then folded her little arms over her chest and glared at Edward. He smiled at her then walked over to us.

"I'm fine." I said again and I was ignored. He took my right arm and as soon as he touched me I felt my stomach flutter, just like it used to do whenever he touched me. He ran his hand up my arm asking along the way if different things hurt and I shook my head. I was sore but it didn't hurt. He repeated the same with the left arm then spun me around in my seat and lifted my shirt slightly to look at my back.

He hissed as he looked. Ness gasped.

"Does this hurt?" Edward asked as he ran his hand across my lower back just above my pants. It was my turn to hiss. Cause that shit hurt. "I'll take that as a yes. Do your legs hurt?" I shook my head no. He turned me back around so I was again facing him. He took a finger and pressed gently on my hip then ran it down my leg. Our eyes locked. He swallowed loudly. "Do you feel that? Does it hurt?" He asked softly. I couldn't find my voice. So I shook my head no.

"No you don't feel that or no it doesn't hurt?" He asked while giving my that damn smirk.

"Doesn't hurt." I replied.

He repeated the same motion on the other leg. Didn't hurt but I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust from the heat and the feeling of his hands being on me after so long. His emerald orbs held my gaze and I felt myself melting a little.

"Doesn't hurt." I muttered and dropped my gaze to my lap. Unable to take the intensity of his eyes any longer. Mad that he still affected me this way after everything he had said and done. His hand had lingered on my left knee and I pushed it away and scooted back on my stool.

He cleared his throat and stepped back as well. "I think you are going to be pretty sore for a few days but I don't think anything is broken. Take some Tylenol or Advil for the pain and let me know if something changes." He said trying to catch my gaze again.

"See Nessa I'm fine. Now go back up to bed, I'll be up in a couple minutes." Ness leaned over and kissed me on the cheek then jumped off the stool.

"Thanks for looking at my mommy." She said to Edward, then walked over to Emmett and Rose giving each a hug before heading upstairs.

I glanced at Edward as he watched Ness walk out of the room. He was looking at her with such longing I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

I had NEVER once talked bad about him in front of Ness. I didn't talk about him much but when I did I never mentioned what happened between the two of us. It used to hurt me when my mom used to talk about my dad in front of me when I was younger so I refused to talk shit about him in front of her. On the off chance she would ask about him, I would tell her a happy memory, even if it killed me. But as much as I tried I couldn't stop my dreams and Ness was more observant than most five year olds. She knew without me telling her that Edward had broken my heart. There was no getting around it.

I didn't want her to make decisions about her relationship based off of my feelings. All I wanted was for her to be happy. That's all that mattered in my life and if that meant she had a relationship with Edward, then so be it. But she was a stubborn child and very much a mommy's girl.

"She's beautiful." Heard Edward say softly.

"Yes she is. Stubborn too." I replied.

"She looks just like you." He said.

I rolled my eyes. "I fell for that shit once Cullen. It's not gonna happen again. She looks like you. She has your temper too."

"What shit?" He asked while bringing his finger up to lift my chin to meet his gaze. Narrowing his eyes.

"The whole 'Your beautiful' and 'I love you' bullshit." I said leaning back and smacking his hand away.

"You are beautiful Bella. You always have been and ever since I first laid eyes on you I have loved you. That has never changed no matter what I have said to you."

"Bullshit…" I replied gritting my teeth. I sooo didn't want to do this shit tonight but apparently we were going to.

"Call it what you want love, but it's the truth." He replied, his eyes trying to burn into mine. His eyes flashing with intensity and for a moment I wanted to believe him.

"IF it was true Cullen, you NEVER would have said what you did and you never would have left, but we both know how that turned out now don't we?" I snapped back.

"Bella you don't understand. I was going through some rough stuff and I lashed out… I …."

"I don't mean to sound like a bitch Edward… Ok maybe I do… but if you gave a shit you would have called…wrote… text… email… something.. But you didn't."

"YOU LEFT TOWN!" He yelled.

"OH REALLY? I DIDN'T LEAVE TOWN UNTIL AFTER GRADUATION ASSHOLE. FOUR FUCKING MONTHS! FOUR! WITHOUT A WORD! SO DON'T LECTURE ME ABOUT LEAVING TOWN!"

"I'm sorry. I should have…"

"Yes you should have Edward. Now… I have listened and believed you before. But you said it all when you told me you got what you wanted out of me. I don't know what you want from me now but it's not going to happen. MY daughter says right now she doesn't want anything to do with you. I am leaving it up to her. She says she would like to get to know Em and Rose and I am fine with that. You and I should never have happened…. And I won't fall for it again…."

He grabbed my arms. "Tell me you don't love me anymore and I'll walk away and never bother you again."

My chest constricted and I tried to pull away from him, "I can't say that Edward. **I** wasn't lying to you when I said I loved you. **I** wasn't lying when I said I wanted to be with you forever. You were…. Shit you **ARE **the only one I will ever love that way. But I won't fall for the lies again, I won't survive it again…"

"Just give me a chance to explain…"

"Just get out Edward. I am not doing this. I can't…"

"I'll leave for now. But I will prove to you Bella. Somehow. Someway. Someday. I will show you that I love you and that I always have. I know I fucked up but I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you and have always loved you." With that he bent down kissed my cheek gently, grabbed his bag and walked out the front door.

I started crying. I wanted so desperately to believe him but I couldn't… And I don't know if it is possible for him to convince me.

"Ahem." I heard from behind me. I spun around remembering that I wasn't alone.

"What?" I mumbled, wiping the tears from my face.

"I am not defending him. Shit I would knock up upside the head again for you if you wanted… but he did go through some rough shit and he does love you. NOW with that being said. Me and Rose are not getting involved with that drama. I want to get to know my niece and I miss my sister. Now again with that being said and me reestablishing my role as brother… you are going to stay closed down for the rest of the weekend." I started to protest and was promptly cut off. "I don't want to hear it Bells. You are hurt and you need to rest and eat and rest some more. PERIOD. Your closed on Sundays anyways so one more day won't hurt anyone. Then MONDAY Alice and I will be here to help you out. If Jane and Bree are feeling better then they can help too if you want."

"Emmett…"

"Please Bella. Alice can wait tables and I can cook hamburgers. You can stay behind the bar. If Jane and Bree come in you can still stay behind the bar and help me. I tended bar for a while in college. Gimmie a little bit and I will catch back on. Please Bella let us help you." He then gave me that damn puppy pout.

I didn't want to but I knew I wouldn't win this argument so I did the only thing I could do. "Fine." I replied.

"Thank you. Now upstairs and go to bed. We will be over sometime tomorrow to check on you." He gave me a hug and Rose did the same. I followed them to the door and locked it behind them, then made my way upstairs to get some sleep.

* * *

_Walking on, walking on broken glass_

_And if you're trying to cut me down_

_You know that I might bleed_

_'Cause if you're trying to cut me down_

_I know that you'll succeed_

_And if you want to hurt me_

_There's nothing left to fear_

_Cause if you want to hurt me_

_You're doing really well my dear_

_Now everyone of us is made to suffer_

_Everyone of us is made to weep_

_But we've been hurting one another_

_And now the pain has cut too deep . . .So take me from the wreckage_

_Save me from the blast_

_Lift me up and take me back_

_Don't let me keep on walking . . . I can't keep on walking on, i can't keep on walking on broken glass_

_Walking on, walking on broken glass_

_Walking on, walking on broken glass_

_Walking on, walking on broken glass ... walking on glass, walking on glass_

_Walking on, walking on broken glass ... walking on glass, walking on glass_

_Walking on, walking on broken glass ... walking on glass . . ._

_**Walking on Broken Glass by Annie Lennox**_

* * *

A/N

I know I know I know… I have been dealing with a lot lately and haven't really felt like writing. I have spent a lot of time reading so if anyone wants some good recommendations please send me a message. I have read some really awesome stories on here. There are even quite a few non cannon couple stories that blow my mind. I will read anything except Bella/Jacob… I just can't get into them. But any other couple I love to check out…. OK lemmie rephrase that… Any other Bella/ some other male besides Jacob I can read. I have NOTHING against the same sex stories on here but its just not my cup of tea. SO if you want some recommendations or if you have some recommendations PLEASE send me a message. In turn I will try to make myself get more writing time in.

ANYWHOO… What did ya think of this chapter? Song used is Walking on Broken Glass by Annie Lennox. Not a lot happened but Bella and Edward had some discussion time…. SO any theories as to what Eddie's issue was? OK I am going to upload now so any questions? Comments? Please leave a message! Thanks for reading!

XOXO

T


	9. My Wish

SM OWNS ALL RIGHTS but I own my own twisted imagination, I think…

_**I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,**_

_**And each road leads you where you want to go,**_

_**And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,**_

_**I hope you choose the one that means the most to if one door opens to another door closed**__**,**_

_**I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,**_

_**If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,**_

_**But more than anything, more than anything,**_

_**My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,**_

_**Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,**_

_**You never need to carry more than you can hold,**_

_**And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,**_

_**I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,**_

_**Yeah, this, is my wish.**_

_**I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,**_

_**All the ones who love you, in the place you left,**_

_**I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,**_

_**And you help somebody every chance you get,**_

_**Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,**_

_**And you always give more than you take.**_

_**My Wish by Rascal Flatts**_

* * *

When we are younger we are encouraged to dream. We are told we can do anything we put our minds to. I just so happen to have learned the hard way that that is just a crock of shit. There are lots of things we can accomplish if we put our minds to it but there are always some thing or some dreams that are reliant on others to help you accomplish it.

For example, school is something that you have to accomplish yourself. True you need the teachers but its your drive and determination that allows you to accomplish your goals.

Then there are the things you have absolutely NO control over. You can't help who you fall in love with. You can dream of prince charming but you ultimately can't control how that person ultimately treats you and you can't control it if the person you love more that life itself…. doesn't feel the same way about you. It sucks, it hurts, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. Love can leave you jaded, hurt, and alone. Love can also be your greatest gift. If you are one of the lucky ones, you will fall in love with the one person that loves you just as much as you love them.

Luck has never been on my side. So looking back on it now I should have seen my heart being crushed and my life forever being changed from the simple dreams I had as a teenager. Prince Charming my ass.

Edward never loved me the same way I loved him. That much seemed so fucking obvious to me now. He was a damn good actor, either that or I was so blinded by his mere presence that I allowed myself to believe he loved me as much as he claimed to. I thought he was my forever… in some ways he was my forever. Because even if he didn't love me like I loved him, I could never feel for another man the way I felt and still feel for Edward Cullen.

Liz asked me once that if I could take it all back… start over… never fall in love with him… never believe his lies… essentially erase him from every memory…. Would I do it?

When she asked I honestly didn't have an answer. If I had never met Edward Cullen, I wouldn't have Ness, and out of everything in my life Ness was the one thing I had absolutely NO regrets over. So I wouldn't want to change it now. Even if I was sucked into an alternate universe where I could go back in time and change the past…. I couldn't bring myself to regret my decision to love Edward. He brought me pain, tears, and heartbreak… but he gave me Ness and I don't regret Ness. AT ALL.

But as horrible as it may sound… I feel cheated because of Edward and I can't help but still hating him for coming into my life.

In the year or so we were together, he made me feel like I was his everything. The only time I had truly felt happiness back then was when I was with him. He made me feel like I was cherished, that I was the very air he breathed…. And it was all horse shit. Lies. I know that, but knowing that feeling… the feeling of being loved on that level, fake or not… there was no way that could be duplicated.

When I told Edward he was my forever… I meant every word. No other man would EVER compare to him… at least not for me. I would never move past that, no matter what I did. I would love Edward Cullen and Edward Cullen ONLY until the day I died. I knew my happy ever after was destroyed that day he told me I was nothing to him. It was ripped apart, shredded, then burned.

I hated him with everything I had because I couldn't let him go. I hated him more because just seeing him again after all this time… I still had hope, no matter how small it was at this point, that someday he would love me the way I loved him. Hope scared the shit out of me. Hope left your heart open for disappointment and I couldn't survive more disappointment.

So I had resolved myself to stay away from him. Not let him back into my heart. If Ness decided she wanted a relationship with him, as much as it would kill me… I would help her have that relationship but I would not have anything more to do with him than what was necessary and I wouldn't be stupid enough to let him back into my heart that way again… and I would kill the fucker if he hurt my baby. I don't care how much I cared for him… how much I would always love him… If he hurt Ness I would kill him. Ness was my priority and my ONLY reason for living anymore.

It's hard. I have a hard time encouraging her to dream… to believe in fairytales. To believe there is her own Prince Charming out there. To believe in a happy ending, because they would never be for me. But I wanted Ness to have the world. I wanted her to hope and to love and to dream. I wanted her to have the happiness I would never have and it was times like this… laying in my bed, alone, staring at the ceiling that I wondered just how in the hell I could be what she needs.

I felt so utterly broken and down right scared I didn't know what to do anymore. Should I encourage her to try to get to know Edward? Because ultimately she deserved the right to know her father… good or bad. I have never talked bad about Edward in front of Ness, but at the same time… I really didn't talk about him at all. If she asked questions… I answered, but it was hard to even acknowledge he existed.

So when Ness asked if she could get to know Emmett I was relieved on some level. Ness would have someone who would talk about Edward, tell her of his life, his childhood, and maybe she would decide she wanted to know him. My daughter was stubborn, just as infuriatingly stubborn as her father. Once she set her mind to something, nothing would stand in her way of accomplishing her goals. Again she was her fathers child. It would take a lot to persuade Ness to give Edward the chance to be a father to her and my feelings over the situation wouldn't help the matter.

I was tense, angry, nervous, hurt amongst many other things every time I was close to Edward and my daughter knew me. I may not be saying things out loud to her about Edward but my emotions and body language spoke volumes and I didn't think I could change that… no matter how hard I tried and Ness was fiercely protective of me. That was another thing, once upon a time, I would have said her and Edward had in common.

Senior year, before he left me… before life changed, I was rushing to first period, running late because I over slept. Edward was waiting by my locker for me like he did every morning. I was maybe ten feet from him when my foot caught on a rug or some shit and I fell face first into the floor. I was fine, it wasn't the first time, but I was embarrassed. It didn't help when Mike stupid-fuck Newton started laughing at me. Edward ran up to me and helped me up… asked me if I was ok…. When I said I was fine he proceeded to beat the shit out of Newton. He got suspended for a week, but he said it was worth it because no one laughs at his girl.

Ness, at the age of two, kicked James in the shins repeatedly because he grabbed me and put me in a headlock for calling him whipped, which was the truth… he just didn't like to hear it. He has never tried that shit again in front of Ness. I find it hilarious. Ness even made Emmett apologize to me last night.

That's right fuckers… don't mess with me or I'll sick my five year old on you.

On that note I rolled over and looked at the clock. 6:00 am. This was the latest I have slept in months, even though I wouldn't call what I attempted to do sleeping.

By the time I got upstairs last night and fell asleep it was about 1:00am and I have been laying here in bed for the last hour staring at the ceiling. The four hours of sleep I got was the worst hours I have had in months, shit years. My mind just wouldn't shut down completely and let me rest.

It kept coming back to Edward. I could still feel his hands on me. The paths his fingers traced still burned, and god help me I wanted more. Life is so unfair.

So after tossing and turning I got my ass out of bed. I took another hot shower to help relax my sore muscles. I wrapped my hair in a towel and tied on my robe, then slowly made my way to the kitchen to start some coffee.

While the coffee was brewing I went and got a comb and sat on the couch and turned the news on. I combed my hair and braided it while I watched the weather. It was going to be a fairly warm day, well warm for Alaska at 68 degrees.

With a glance at the clock, it was now 7:00 am and my coffee was done. I quickly went into my bedroom and pulled out one of my two pairs of jean shorts, a bra, panties, and a light blue tank top. I dressed as quickly as I could move then made my way to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and a couple Advil.

I went back into the living room with my coffee after taking my Advil and opened the windows, letting the fresh air in. I sat in my rocking chair, sipping my coffee for a few minutes until my mind started wandering again.

I refused to spend another second thinking about Edward Cullen so I decided to grab my laptop and move downstairs to get some work done. I had to get my ordering done for the month since I wouldn't have the time to go to Anchorage to do it myself.

When I got downstairs I laid the laptop on a table, sat down, and got to work.

I worked for about an hour. I managed to place my order with my liquor supplier, pay the gas, lights, and satellite bills, and was working on my grocery order when I decided to mix up some muffins for breakfast.

After pulling the second tray of blueberry muffins out of the oven and placing the last two trays in the oven and setting the timer, I made myself another pot of coffee, then went to finish up my order while everything cooked and brewed.

Before I sat down I decided to open the few windows in the bar area to let some fresh air in and as I was opening the last one I heard a knock on the door.

When I turned and looked out the door I was almost blinded by the bright yellow coloring that filled the doorway.

Shaking my head I made my way to the door to find Emmett and Jasper standing there. I unlocked and opened the door, letting them in.

"How long have you been up Masen?" Jasper blurted as soon as they were in the door.

"Well good morning to you too asshole!" I retorted as I made my way back to my table and my coffee.

"Yeah, yeah. Morning. Now how long have you been up?" Jasper demanded with a smile.

I quirked my eyebrow at him, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Ummm I have been awake since sometime around 5:00 and up and moving since like 6:00." Jasper's grin got exponentially bigger and he started laughing.

"Care to share with the group Hale?" I asked glancing at Emmett, who was frowning and cursing under his breath, while digging for his wallet. I was getting a little irritated. "Seriously you two, what the hell is going on?" This only caused Jasper to laugh harder. Fucker. I was just about to start wringing some necks when my timer went off on the oven. "Hold that thought assholes." I said as I got up and went to take my muffins out of the oven.

I pulled the last two trays out of the oven. I placed a dozen on a plate and wrapped them up to send home for Alice and Kailie, then placed the other 3 dozen in a large bowl and made my way back out to the dining area.

When I walked in the dining room, Jasper was smiling and pouring two cups of coffee while Emmett sat at my table while his arms crossed over his chest pouting.

When I set the bowl down as Jasper handed Emmet his coffee. I went back to my seat grabbed a muffin and started eating it while I continued on my order. Jasper needed no encouragement and dug in. Emmett continued pouting.

"NOW first of all, leave some for Ness, second anyone care to tell me what's going on?"

"You don't follow directions very well do you?" Emmett asked narrowing his eyes at me.

"And I told you it would take more than a little bar fight to keep her down. I am surprised she actually listened and didn't open up today." Jasper retorted smiling at Emmett. "You have some of these put up for Ali and Kailie?" He asked me.

"Of course. My niece can't live off Fruit Loops and microwaved toaster waffles."

"Just your niece? I'm hurt Masen."

"You both are going to be hurting if you don't tell me what the hell is going on. Besides your ass always shows up to get the food and you always eat here before going home so I know you are eating too. So shut up." I said pointing to him before turning on Emmett.

Emmett was still pouting staring at the bowl of muffins. He glanced up at me, "You owe me fifty bucks." He replied and grabbed a muffin and began peeling the paper away.

I snorted. "If I owe you fifty bucks, you owe me for the muffin and the coffee."

"You were told to rest today. Take it easy. Why the hell have you been up since the butt crack of dawn?" He asked taking a bite out of his muffin, his eyes lighting up.

"I told you man. Masen is stubborn. If you guys would have told Alice she had to relax and take it easy, she would have had me waiting on her hand and foot." Jasper replied grabbing another muffin. "But Masen here… I knew she would be up and have breakfast made so I didn't have to eat instant oatmeal made with prune juice for added flavor." He finished shuddering.

"Why do I owe you fifty bucks Emmett?" No answer. Emmett was staring at the muffin like it was made of gold as he chewed.

"These taste just like…. Holy shit… I'll be right back." Emmett replied grabbing two more muffins out of the basket after stuffing the rest of his in his mouth and running out the door.

"OOOOOOOOOOk." I said sipping my coffee and turning towards Jasper. "You care to explain?"

"Well I have no idea what the meatheads issue is right now, BUT I did win a fifty dollar bet this morning." He said smirking, before taking a sip of his coffee.

"Ok… and what did said bet consist of?"

"He called this morning and asked me to meet him over here and let him in so he could help you out today since you are supposed to be taking it easy. I told him he might as well just head on over because if you actually listened to them last night and didn't open up the place, you would still be up. He said you would have listened. I bet him fifty that I was right." He smiled hugely. "I won. Thanks for being a stubborn ass." He replied popping the rest his muffin in his mouth and grabbing another.

"Your welcome… I think. Besides I couldn't sleep and I had stuff that I could get done. Bills don't pay themselves and if I don't get my orders placed, there will be no alcohol to be served and I know of at least one other family besides Ness and I that would probably starve."

"Or be forced to live off of microwaveable Macaroni and cheese." He said, frowning. "Yeah, have I ever told you how much I love you Masen?"

"Every time you pick up food Hale."

"Just want to make sure you know!" He said chuckling.

"Yeah yeah yeah. SOO any guesses as to what Emmett's problem is?"

"No clue. He seems a little special sometimes. I honestly wonder sometimes if he is working with a full deck."

"There are times he seems clueless but he means well and he protects what he loves." I giggled. "My junior year, Emmett was a senior, Edward and I had been officially dating for like a week, been hanging out for like a month. Anyway there were these two bitches at school that tormented me daily about Edward. About how I wasn't good enough for him or I wasn't pretty enough. I didn't tell anyone. I just ignored them. One day Emmett overheard them, man he got pissed. Between him and Edward I was interrogated for two hours as to why I didn't tell one of them." I paused taking a bite out of my muffin and sipping my coffee. Chuckling at the memory.

I sat back in my chair. "Anyway the next day during lunch Emmet soaped their cars, put peanut butter under the door handles, and taped bottles of Midol and tampons on their lockers. Left them each a note that said something to the affect of 'He knows they are PMSing like 24/7 and are some jealous bitches but they better leave his sister alone.' He was suspended for two weeks when he was caught and was made to pay for their cars being cleaned but they never messed with me again. Funny thing was though…. Carlisle and Esme, his mom and dad, laughed and said the girls got what they deserved, and Emmett didn't even get in trouble at home."

"Yeah and Eddie boy and I split the bill for the car cleaning. It was awesome! I had two weeks of vacation and those hoes left my girl here alone!" Emmett said walking back through the door and back over to me plopping down in the seat next to me, flinging his arm over the back of my seat.

"They avoided me like the plague." I said laughing along with Emmett and Jasper. Then the rest came back to me. I leaned forward placing my hands on the table. "That is until he left. Then for four months I was reminded DAILY that I just wasn't enough." I pushed my chair back and stood abruptly. "I am going to go make more coffee."

I grabbed the empty pot from the warmer behind the bar and quickly went to the kitchen to get the other pot and start another. I stood there taking deep breaths, not allowing myself to break down. I was seriously beginning to feel like I was trapped on some sadistic merry-go-round, that just kept going and going. I wanted off this ride.

I quickly swapped thee pots out and switched the machine on again before holding my head high and walking towards the dining room.

"Uncle Jasper! Uncle E!" Thank god a distraction.

"Hey Ness!" They both shouted. I silently made my way over to the bar and placed the coffee on the warmer while Ness gave Jasper then Emmett a hug. Emmett pulled her up and set her in his lap as I returned to my seat. Ness leaned over gave me a kiss and a quick hug.

"OH muffins! My favorite… wait mommy weren't you 'upposed to relax today?" Emmett chuckled.

"I told everyone I was fine last night missy. Now I don't want to hear anything else about it. Now do you want something to drink? Milk or juice?"

She glared at me for a minute but knew the subject wasn't open for discussion. "Milk."

I nodded my head and went to get back up. Jasper stopped me. "I'll get it. I am going to grab my to go order from the kitchen while I'm up."

I snorted. "To go ORDER? Does that mean your going to actually pay for it?"

He smirked and winked at me. "Add it to my tab. I'll settle up with you later."

I just shook my head. Jasper and Alice would give me a check each month that would MORE than cover what they ate each day. Jasper and Alice said it was worth it. Kailie even tried to give me her piggy bank once, after Alice attempted to make meatloaf. Kailie and Jasper both called me that night and asked if I would either move in with them or if they could at least move in with us. All Jasper kept saying was that Alice had put peanut butter in with the hamburger.

"_PEANUT BUTTER Bella! PEANUT BUTTER. She browned the hamburger in the pan on the stove….OK she burnt the hamburger on the stove then mixed in two jars of peanut butter. She said it was to keep the meat together and she swore it would thicken it up. PEANUT BUTTER MASEN. Lord help me… PEANUT BUTTER." _

Needless to say they were in fifteen minutes later ordering dinner. Jasper threatened to remove the stove from the kitchen and he didn't care how it would make the kitchen look, if she ever tried that shit again.

The Hale's were my best customers.

Jasper returned with Ness's glass of milk and his plate of muffins, and sat back down glancing at his watch.

"So what do you have planned for today Bella?" Jasper asked as we watched Ness finish off her second muffin and her glass of milk. Emmett hadn't said much else but continued to eat muffins, he was up around ten now.

"Well it's supposed to be pretty warm today so I was thinking about dragging Ness's pool out if I can find it in James and Vicky's garage. You want to bring Kailie over?"

"I'll have to pass. Alice is insisting on a family day, so we are making a trip to Wasilla to go to Wal-Mart for some necessities, then Alice wants to go to go shopping in Anchorage. You know start gathering her fall wardrobe. That's actually the only reason I agreed to meet the meathead over here. Alice wants to know if there is anything you need from Wal-Mart."

"Yeah I need some a few things. Let me make you a list." I replied. We didn't need much, since Vicky had gotten our essentials when her and Ness went to Anchorage. I quickly jotted out a list and handed it to Jasper.

"Ok well I really should get home and get my girls fed so we can head out. Thanks Bella!" He gave me a kiss on the cheek and Ness hopped down and gave him a hug and he headed out.

"So Ness we have to wait a while to fill the pool but your bike is in the storage room. Why don't you go get dressed and we can go outside and you can ride in the lot for a while?"

"Can Uncle Em come watch me?"

"If Uncle Em wants to I have no problem with that."

"You wanna watch me ride my bike Uncle Em?"

"I would love to sweetheart! But what do you say we make mommy get a chair and relax while you play?"

"Uncle James has lawn chairs in his garage!"

"Don't I have a say in this? I am fine!"

"Isabella Marie Masen! Don't make me call Nana Liz!" My daughter replied with her hands on her hips. Emmett started laughing loudly and I gave him my best bitch brow.

"Fine. Vanessa go get dressed and bring my keys down with you." She smiled triumphantly and danced upstairs as I tried to think of ways to make Emmett pay.

Emmett was eating another muffin. "God these are good. They taste just like…"

"Your mom's?" He nodded his head. "It's her recipe." He stopped chewing.

"No way! You're lying! Mom won't let anyone in the kitchen." He jumped up and ran to the door flinging it open. "EDDIE!"

"WHAT? Emmet what the fuck?" I screeched and ran to the door to either pull him back or push him out… the jury was still out on that one.

Moments later Edward appeared looking slightly frazzled. "WHAT? What's wrong? Bella are you ok? Ness?"

"Oh for the love of god." Push him out that was the way to go. I tried my best to push Emmett out the door, which only caused him to chuckle, turn around and gently pick me up and deposit me back in my seat at the table.

I was ignored as Emmett picked up another muffin and thrust it at Edward. "Did that muffin I brought you earlier taste familiar?"

"Yeah they tasted like mom's. Haven't had them in years." He looked away, with a sad expression on his face.

"Bella said mom gave her the recipe."

"No Bella did not. Bella said that it was your mom's recipe. Your mom showed me how to make them. Your mom showed me how to make a lot of things."

"Mom never let anyone in the kitchen with her. She refuses to let Rose near the kitchen anytime we visit. Says something about her being a guest and to just go relax. I mean Rosie can at least cook the basics. No blowing up microwaves with tin cans… But it's not mom's cooking…." Emmett rambled.

"Are you calling me a liar Cullen?" I snapped, interrupting him.

"Emmett you should shut up." Was Edward's wise reply. "A lot of things changed after you left home."

"So your saying that she knows mom's recipes? That she has been under mom's tutelage?" Emmett asked excitedly. Now I was worried.

"Yeah mom really fell in love with Bella shortly after you left home. She… she started kidnapping her. She would call her up to go shopping with her and she would invite her over to just talk with her." Edward chuckled. "Showing her all her secrets, she said she was just like the daughter she always wanted."

I chuckled remembering the times I spent with Esme, but in the same breath it made my chest constrict in pain, knowing just how she basically abandoned me when Edward left. "No offence to either one of you but that's a crock of shit." They both opened their mouths to say something but I held up my hand. "If I meant to much to her she wouldn't have just stopped talking to me, stopped calling… shit dropped me as quickly as…" I glanced at Edward and saw the pained expression on his face as he realized what I was going to say.

"Mommy! I'm ready!" Our discussion ended as Ness rejoined us handing me my keys.

"Ness sweets is there anything special you want for dinner?" I asked her trying to get the attention off me for a while.

"I dunno, can Uncle Em and Aunt Rose come over for dinner?" I gritted my teeth and nodded my head. "YEAAA! What do you want Uncle Em?"

Emmett smiled widely. "Hmmm let me think. Bells do you know how to make mom's Enchiladas?" Both Emmett and Edward groaned.

"Of course that was the first thing she taught me to make. Well she tweaked my own recipe. She said it was Edward's favorite so I needed to know how…" I couldn't finish. I could feel Edward's gaze burning a hole in the top of my head. "Chicken or steak Ness?"

"CHICKEN." All three replied. I looked up at Edward, quirking an eyebrow. Silently questioning his sanity.

"Awww come on Bells. Have a heart. You can't make Edward's favorite dish and not let him come over and eat." I turned and glared at Emmett. I could very well do just that. The bastard had the audacity to smile. Fucker. "Come on Bells, it's Saturday night and his brother and his sister in law are occupied AND you are making HIS favorite AND the neighborhood bar is closed AND there isn't anything else to do... Have a heart." I was about to have a heart, I was about to trust my hand down Emmett's throat and rip it out through said throat.

I counted to ten. Trying to calm down before I started to scream. When that didn't work I counted again. One more deep breath I opened my eyes and glared daggers at Emmett. OH he will pay. Meddling asshole.

"It's up to Ness." I said through gritted teeth. Smiling when his shit eating grin faltered for a second as I finally finished my produce order and hit send.

We all looked at Ness who was watching Emmett and I intently. "How about it half-pint? Can Edward come over for dinner?" Emmett asked with that patented puppy dog pout.

Ness narrowed her eyes at him before turning to glare at Edward.

"Fine. But if he makes my mommy cry, I am going to have my Auntie Vicky beat him up when she gets back." She crossed her little arms over her chest and gave Edward a look that could only be described as 'test me'.

I had to laugh she looked so serious and quite devious at that moment. "Your Aunt Vicky would be proud." _Thinking of Vicky_… "Baby could you run back upstairs and grab mommy's phone? I have to call Auntie Vicky and Nana Liz today." She nodded but didn't move still glaring at Edward. "Ness that's enough. Go get that while I straighten up this mess from breakfast and go pull out some chicken to defrost. Then we will go break into Uncle James's garage. Move some things around for him." I said with a smirk. Ness smiled and started giggling, tension forgotten as she dashed towards the stairs to retrieve my phone for me.

One of our favorite past times, for Vicky, Ness, and I, was messing with James. James was laid back and didn't get flustered easily, but he was downright obsessive with his garage. Everything had a place and it was funny as hell when he started to flip out if something was moved, even if it was a couple inches. For the love of all things holy… he dusted and mopped his garage at least three times a week. He has issues.

So every time he pissed Vicky or I off we would go mess with something in his garage. It didn't have to be anything major, you could just switch the 1/10th inch thingy with the 1/8th thingy from their spots on the wall and he would throw a fit like a fourteen year old girl who got grounded from the phone. Ness could get away with more with him, he has never yelled at her. But Ness found it hilarious to mess with him, so any chance she got to help Vicky or I, she was all over it.

I started to pick up plates and mugs and Edward and Emmett both jumped to help me. I thanked them both as we made our way to the kitchen. Emmett had carried the remaining dozen or so muffins into the kitchen and set them on the counter and Edward brought the plate and coffee mug to me and handed them to me as I put them in the dishwasher along with the rest off the dishes I used to make breakfast.

I glanced back up and found Edward watching me intently. His eyes sparkled with their intensity. I walked away, leaving the door open to the dishwasher. His eyes followed me as I went to the walk in freezer and pulled out a couple packages of frozen chicken, then set them in the sink. I then went to our pantry next to the freezer and grabbed a couple to go boxes and walked back over to where Emmett had set the bowl of muffins.

I opened the boxes and placed six in one box and the rest (which was about eight) in the other box. I left them sit and took the bowl they were in and put it in the dishwasher, added the washing liquid, and started it up.

I walked back over to the boxes wondering why in the hell I was doing this…. Where the hell was my resolve from this morning? I handed the larger box to Emmett. "Take some of those to Rose, I am sure she hasn't had breakfast and if you want there are some to go cups in the pantry if you want to take her some coffee, milk, or even some juice, I don't know what she likes.."

"She would want coffee and will love you forever for sending it." He said as he walked to the pantry to grab a cup and a lid. I turned to Edward and grabbed the other box and handed it to him. To say he looked shocked would be an understatement.

"Really?" He asked with that damn grin of his.

I didn't make eye contact and started to wipe down the counter as I answered him, " Yes really." I mumbled. "Ness won't eat any more of them today and I usually send the extras with someone. I don't like to waste food." I said looking anywhere but at him. I felt nervous and I didn't like it. I couldn't stand the effect he had on me_. Come on Bells we don't want him close, we don't want to be nice, we hate him, Only deal with him for Ness and Ness wasn't here_…. I was frustrated and confused.

I threw my towel in the laundry basket in the corner and avoided eye contact with Edward and started to follow Emmett out of the kitchen, but before I could reach the door I felt him grab my wrist. The moment we touched I got butterflies in my stomach and my whole arm tingled. My body was still so aware of him, I wanted him… I missed him… I wanted to knock his head off his shoulders… I was confused.

He pulled gently and stopped me, I felt him place a hand on my shoulder and turn me around slowly to face him. There was about two feet in between us and I was struggling with myself to not close the distance and wrap myself around him. I refused to fall for his lies again. But my resistance faltered when I felt his fingers under my chin lifting it gently so I was forced to meet his hypnotic green eyes. I trembled under his touch and I hated myself for it.

I swallowed thickly, "What?" Was all I could get out as I wrapped my arms around myself to ensure I kept them to myself.

He smiled a small smile then with his left hand still holding my chin, he took his right hand and slowly trailed it from my temple to my chin, leaving a line of fire in its wake. He then slowly leaned in, never breaking eye contact, and kissed my cheek.

"Thank you." He replied and continued staring at me. My heart felt like it was going to burst from my chest, my breathing ragged. His eyes kept flickering towards my lips…

"Bella.. I.." I was in a trance and I was conflicted. Part of me wanted him to just kiss me and make me forget everything…. The more rational part wanted to break his nose.

"MOMMY COME ON!"

Trance broken I stumbled backwards quickly, nearly backing into the door frame in my hast to get away from him. I turned and practically ran from the kitchen. Emmett gave me a odd look and Ness was waiting expectantly near the door with my phone. I am sure I was as white as a ghost. Edward followed slowly out of the kitchen. I watched as Emmett switched the warmer off for the coffee as he took the last cup for Rose.

Both men made their way towards us and followed Ness out the door. Edward kept trying to make eye contact with me but I refused. I locked the door behind us and made my way to Ness, who was bouncing in excitement. She was having an Alice moment… poor thing.

There was an awkward silence as we stood there for a moment. Emmett broke that silence.

"James and Vicky's place is right down there right?" He asked pointing to the house on the other side of the parking lot.

I couldn't find my voice so I nodded.

"I am going to run these across the street to Rose and I will meet you down there." I glanced up at him quirking my eyebrow. "Don't give me that look Bells. You already cost me fifty bucks today. You are supposed to be taking it easy. So if you insist on being stubborn and being up, you will at least not be doing any heavy lifting." I opened my mouth to argue and he interrupted. "No arguing. Subject closed. Move along." I glared at him. He laughed. "Bella sweetie…. I live with Rose you will have to improve your glare if you want to scare me." With that he turned and jogged across the street.

"Asshole." I muttered under my breath.

"OHHH mommy that's a dollar in the jar!" I rolled my eyes. I hardly ever swore in front of her, James and Vicky single handedly paid for her bedroom renovations with their slip-ups in front of her. I heard Edward chuckle and I glanced up. Our eyes met once again, and once again the energy between us crackled. I forced myself to break the contact this time and turned around, grabbed Ness by the hand and headed towards James and Vicky's place. I could still feel his eyes on us as we walked.

It was highly unnerving. So I began chanting in my head. _There is no such thing as a happy ending. He will just hurt you again. Only for Ness. Only for Ness_…. Sounded good in my head, now I just had to convince my heart.

_**But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,**_

_**My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,**_

_**Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,**_

_**You never need to carry more than you can hold,**_

_**And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,**_

_**I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,**_

_**Yeah, this, is my wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,**_

_**Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,**_

_**You never need to carry more than you can hold,**_

_**And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,**_

_**I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,**_

_**Yeah, this, is my is my wishI hope you know somebody loves you**_

_**May all your dreams stay big **_

* * *

A/N

I Swear I am not obsessed with country music. I like it but I love all music... it just so happens that country seems to be where I find a song that fits my chapters...

I had written like a 2 page long author's note but deleted it. I have also written this chapter like 10 freakin times and I feel ok with it… sort of.

So what did you think? Send me some love! I don't care if it is just a smiley face or a friendly 'You suck'. LOL

Quick but HUGE thanks to a couple people.

First to IzzyBFFAddict92 who has been encouraging me to get this chapter done and listening to me complain about my crazy life! Lol If you want to read a good Jasper/Bella story go check hers out. It's got a little of everything and is really good.

Next thanks would be to Lulabell75 who has given me some insight into what it's like living in Alaska (since I have never been). Being from the Midwest we tend to wait until at least close to 80 degrees before we drag out the pool for the kids. She assured me that on 60 degree days it is totally normal for them to get the pool out. Her info has helped me plan a couple things out for future chapters also.

Finally last but not least CarlislaCooper (who has a couple AWESOME Carlisle/Bella stories… go check them out) for just cracking me up! May Bob be with you! lol

Ok I am going to stop now and get this posted before I start getting death threats! Enjoy!

XOXO

T


	10. AN

A/N

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I know this is one of those damn annoying notes again… I know I have promised updates for both of my stories to a lot of people. But I am sorry to say but it is going to be a while before that happens.

Those who follow me on twitter know that a week ago last Sunday we buried my husbands grandmother. Well at 2am this morning at the age of 58 we lost my husbands father. It was very sudden. They are saying it was a heart attack and after them trying for almost two hours we asked them to stop and just let him go.

My husbands father was more of a father to me in the 12 years my husband and I have been together than my own father has been my whole life. He was a man that would have given you the shirt off his back and his last piece of bread if he knew it would help you. He was a great man. The kind of man that only comes around once in a lifetime and I owe him everything…. He will be missed.

It feels like a dream… a horrible horrible dream but we are trying to look to the bright side of things. We took care of my father in law. He was bed ridden and had been for almost 4 years. He was in constant pain from the degenerative disk disease in his lower back and the arthritis. He isn't hurting anymore and he is at peace now.

But to top it all off my husbands cousins mother (who is also someone my husband has always considered a grandmother) was rushed to the emergency room this morning and they are saying there isn't much more they can do for her either. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

So while some of you might not care this helped me sort some things in my head but it is going to be a while before I get back into the swing of things. Seeing him gasping for breath, saying he couldn't breath and having to perform CPR on him until the ambulance arrived were the single most terrifying experiences of my life. We believe he was gone before the ambulance arrived and while it wasn't a peaceful death when he laid back and closed his eyes before I started CPR he had a smile on his face.

So before this actually become a whole freaking chapter in itself. I am going to stop and go try to get some sleep.

Rest in Peace Larry Dale… we will see you again one day. We love you and will miss you!

XOXO

T


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